Follow The Music

Chapter 22: Love

We all listened back to the song we had created together and everyone seemed really happy with it. River was smiling and he seemed to like the song but still there was something off about him. When he thought nobody was looking, he'd stare into space as though he were thinking deeply about something that was troubling him.

But I wasn't ready to talk to him alone. I didn't know how to act around him anymore. So many things have changed.

"Well that's a wrap for today." Our music producer, Dane said. "Good job guys. I'll see you again tomorrow."

I picked up my handbag and threw it over my shoulder. "Okay thanks and I'll see you all tomorrow." I then walked out of the room before anyone could hold me up and try to talk about my mourning.

"Hey Em, wait up!" River called as he jogged to catch up to my fast stride.

Damn it. Really? It had to be him. Hadn't it. I had no choice but to stop and turn around to face him. "What's up?" I chirped.

He opened his mouth and close it again. Then seemed to be thinking about what he was going to say. "You still love him don't you."

I could feel my eyes widen. "How did you—"

"The song. It was about him."

"To answer your question, I love the guy he was in the first two years of our relationship then he changed and I fell out of love."

River grinned in surprise and reached out to hold my hands. "That means you still care for me. Nothing has changed between us."

I pulled my hands out of his and said; "I can't. It's not right."

"I don't understand."

"Before he died, he had finally became himself again. He found himself again through music. He left me some voicemails on my phone and he really had changed. He wrote a few songs and that helped him get his shit together. And you know something else? He was walking over to me to play his new song about me when he fell down the stairs of his apartment building and hit his head."

"Emma..." Sympathy laced his voice as he reached out to me placing his hands on either side of my upper arms. "This is not your fault."

I shook my head. "You don't get it. As much as I want to be with you, I can't. It's not right."

"I do get it. Just please, you need to forget about all the other stuff. I can make you happy. I promise. Just give me a chance."

"I'm sorry." I said before I walked off.

"I'm quitting the band then." He said.

I immediately stopped and turned around. "No you can't. Please don't quit because of me."

"Why? This is exactly what I was afraid of. I knew there was a chance that it could be awkward if we broke up."

"Then I won't make it awkward. I promise. Please stay." I begged. "I need you."

"You keep saying that. Why do you need me?"

"Because you're the perfect musician for the job. Replacing you with someone else just wouldn't be right."

His face dropped in disappointment. "That's not enough." He then began walking out of the building.

"That's not fair. What about Alex, Zack and Peter? This isn't fair on them."

He slowed for a bit then his pace quickened again.

"Wait!" I called out frantically.

He stopped.

I caught up to him and hugged him tight as if that could physically stop him from leaving. "I know it's selfish but I need to be with you as much as I can even if I can't be your girlfriend."

He hugged me back and I relaxed. "I'm not going anywhere."

"So that means you're going to stay in the band?" I asked hopefully.

"Yes."

I exhaled. I hadn't even realised that I was holding my breath.

"Someday you'll get over your guilt. Things will change between us again. I know they will. I spent a whole year trying to grab your attention. I'm not going to lose you again."

My breath hitched. "But—"

He kissed me on the cheek and I was surprised to say the least. And it was dangerously close to my lips. He then stepped back and walked out the door.

I stood there shocked. Does he really care for me that much?

"Emma." Alex called out as he approached me. "What are you doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"I heard what you and River were saying. You need to try and let go of Cole."

"I can't. It's not that easy, Alex."

"I know it's not. But you have someone who cares for you more than Cole ever did—"

My eyes widened in anger and I exploded. "Don't you fucking dare say that! You have no idea what Cole felt for me. He loved me."

There was a long silence between us until he finally said. "You can't keep pushing everyone away. Otherwise, there will be nobody left to care for you." He then turned around. "When you're finished acting like a child, call me." He walked away out the door.

I exhaled in anger. I then banged my head against the wall a few times. Why do I always have to fuck up everything?

*  *  *  *

I had called Zoe for a movie marathon at my place. I needed another girls night after the shit with River and then Alex happened. I shoved a handful of popcorn in my mouth just as another zombie had mutilated another woman with its teeth. "You know, I'm starting to get sick of all these chicks getting killed. Why is it that in all these horror movies, the girls are usually so dumb. Like what girl in her right mind would walk outside where all the zombies are just after her friend was being dragged away by them. I mean she saw her friend practically die and she still goes out there trying to save her friend's ass."

Zoe looked offended by what I had said. "So youre basically saying that you wouldn't save me if I were the friend being dragged away?"

"No, you're not as dumb as the friend. She thought that she could be the hero and start killing zombies with a chainsaw. But she pulled out a chainsaw that wouldn't turn on. As if you would check that before going outside to the zombies. You would never do what she did so I won't distinguish that question with an answer."

"But what if I did do the same thing she did ?"

"But you wouldn't."

"But what if I did?"

"But you wouldn't!"

"But what if I did?!"

"FINE! Then I'd save your stupid ass. Are you happy?"

"Only if you mean it."

"I do mean it. What if I was the dumb chick in the film?"

"Oh, I'd leave you to defend for yourself."

"After all that shit you gave me, you say that."

"It's dumb to be the hero."

"Amen to that girl."

I'm glad I have Zoe to help me forget about the shit in my life and to have these temporary moments of fun.