Follow The Music

Chapter 19: Voicemails

I couldn't sleep. How could I sleep? Cole was just alive two days ago and now he had gone so quickly. They told me a car had hit him as he was walking late at night and that they found there to be drugs in his system. What was he doing walking around so late at night? He didn't want things to end up like this, did he?

I looked at the time on the bedside table clock and it was 5:37am. Zoe was so considerate yesterday and she knew exactly how I wanted to feel. She didn't once bring up about Cole because I knew that she could see in my eyes that I wasn't yet ready to talk about him. So we watched a whole bunch of movies and ate junk food with the occasional drink vodka every now and then. It was perfect. I didn't have to think about how Cole was forever gone.

I stepped out of bed. I then walked into the kitchen and searched through my handbag to look for some aspirin (maybe I had more vodka than I thought I did). I instead found my phone and realised that it had been off for more than a day. I then remembered why I had turn it off in the first place. Cole kept on calling me and I didn't want to talk to him. I pulled out my aspirin and pressed the on button on my phone. As I waited for it to switch on, I took my aspirin. When my mobile phone was on, instantly my missed calls and texts showed up. There were 26 missed calls from Cole and all of them I had ignored. I listened to the voice messages he left.

Emma, baby I love you. Please talk to me. I made a huge mistake. Please call me back.
7:19pm Thursday

Emma, please talk to me. I love you so much. Please forgive me. You're all I have left. You're the only one who loves the real me. Please call me back.
8:44pm Thursday

Emma I love you so much baby. I want you back. I need you. I don't know what to do with myself without you. You keep me in line when i need it. Who's going to be the one that pulls me out of all my bullshit now? I love you so much. You have no idea how much I need you right now.
8:29pm Thursday

Please, Em. Come back to me.
9:41pm Thursday

I need you. I have no idea what to do with my life if you're not around to help me. I really am sorry about cheating. I won't do it again. I promise. I love you so much. I just want you back so bad.
10:01pm Thursday

Please come over. I promise it's not a booty call. I just want to see you and hear your voice. I need you.
10:56pm Thursday

We don't even have to get back together again. We can just be friends. I just need you in my life. I'm miserable without you. Please just give me another chance.
11:34am Friday

My life is worthless without you. Sure I have my fans but they don't know me. Nobody knows me except you. Not even my own father. Can you believe it he sold my baby clothes to the highest bidder? My father doesn't really care for me. He just uses my success to get money for himself. If he was struggling and he asked me, I would have happily given him the money he needed. He is my dad after all... I love him... Even if he doesn't love me back... Anyway, please call me back. I need to talk to you.
11:54am Friday

Emma... I love you.
12:09am Friday

Emma, I can't live without you. I love you too much. It's driving me crazy that I can't talk to you.
12:35am Friday

Hi Emma, it's me again. It's Cole. I walked by my music room and remembered how happy I was just playing music in there with you. We were both so happy. I want it to be like that again. I miss those days. I don't blame you for breaking things off between us because I know that I'm the reason why things have become so fucked up. I'm a mess. But I want to be the guy I was when we first started dating.
12:38am Friday

Sometimes I wish nobody had ever discovered me and I was still no one. Because that was the only time I was someone to you and at least I was me. I had my integrity back then and now... It just might be too late to turn back time. I don't know how much longer I can live with myself anymore.
12:40am Friday

Emma - (sighs) I just love you. You need to know that. I know now that too much has happened for us to move on. I've hurt you too much and I hate myself for that.
12:44am Friday

Emma, I almost gave up on everything. But then I did something, I hadn't done in years. I started writing about how I was feeling. The lyrics were just flowing out of me. Once I started I almost couldn't stop. It was like I had never stopped writing in the first place. I wrote a bunch of songs. There's a song I wrote for you and I want you to keep it. It's about when we were happy together. And when I see you again, I'll play it for you. I only need to play it for you once. It's my final gift for you.

I've decided that I'm going to be moving back to Boston and start a new life. Maybe start up my own recording studio or something. But I need to leave. You deserve a better life than you have now with me. I've caused you so much pain lately. I know that for now I need to give you some time. But I still love you and hopefully later we can go back to the way we were.

Anyway, I plan to leave tomorrow morning so I know it's late but I'll have to head over now and play it for you. See you soon. I love you.
1:47am Friday

I felt as if I had been shattered into a million pieces. He sounded to empty and passive at times but then he started sounding like himself again. He had just returned to his old caring self only to be gone from me before I could even reconnect with him. This was what I was waiting and hoping for - I wanted him to return to being himself again. That's why I had stayed with him for so long. And now when I finally had given up, he was himself again. I didn't realise I was crying until Zoe had given me a hug. She must have just woke up. I allowed myself to sob onto her shoulder.