Follow The Music

Chapter 25: Together?

He must hate me now. But it's the right thing to do. I don't deserve to be happy. Not after how I dumped Cole without giving him a chance to explain. And now, he's dead and I can never make it up to him.

I lay in my bunk. Even though I'm punishing myself by keeping my distance from River, I can also see that I'm hurting him too. And I don't want that. I wish the feelings were only one-sided so I could hurt myself only but it's not. Maybe my actions aren't the best. What if River were suddenly gone like Cole is. I don't know if I'd survive. I most definitely wouldn't be the same. I'd feel like I'd lost something forever. The realisation suddenly hit. Holy shit. I do love, River.

Suddenly I heard my bunk curtain open and felt a presence lay next to me and wrap his arm around me. I faced away from the wall to see who it is. River gave me a soft smile. I couldn't help it, tears glided down my cheeks. "I thought you hated me."

"Not possible." He wiped my tears away with his thumb.

I entwined our fingers together and faced him. "You've been so patient with me. I don't deserve it, River. You're too kind to me."

"You shouldn't think that way about yourself." He smiled and kissed my hand. "I know lately that you haven't been acting like yourself and it's because you're hurt and doing it to punish yourself. But you need to stop taking responsibility for things that are out of your control."

"But it was in my control. If I had just answered the phone when Cole called then he would still be alive. I was spending time with you selfishly having fun while he was dying."

"Let it go. You couldn't have known. None of what happened to him was your fault. It was nobody's fault. It just happened. You need to stop beating yourself up about it. Just let it go. And anyway, I doubt he'd want you to be living a miserable life. It's hardly fair. Isn't it." He looked at me waiting for a response from me but I just looked away. "It's been two months since he passed away. You need to try to let it go. He died not you. So can't you just try to keep on living?" He closed his eyes ready to sleep. "I miss you and so do the rest of the guys."

I watched him debating whether or not I should say the words that were ready to burst out of me. "I-I love you too, River."

His eyes opened wide and he looked directly at me. He sat up and smiled with his pearl white teeth showing.

I couldn't help it. I had to smile back.

He quickly placed his hands along my jawlines and kissed me. I kissed back and began to feel so happy beyond anything I had felt in a long while. We moved closer to each other until there was no space between us. We continued to kiss and I tugged at the bottom of River's shirt. He shrugged it over his head then locked his lips back to mine. River positioned me on top and I kissed him again. And that's when the curtain was suddenly pulled open. I quickly pulled away from River, startled by the fact that we had been caught by Alex. "Uh, shit. Sorry. I'll leave you two alone." He said as he closed the curtain and began walking away.

River and I looked at each other and we both bursted out laughing. I then rested my forehead against his bare chest. After I moved my head off him and shook my head. I then looked up at him and said; "what am I doing, River? I'm a mess right now."

"How about this; what if we just stay here like this, just sleeping next to each other tonight and we can figure all this out tomorrow."

"Deal." I smiled.

* * * *

I woke up to the sound of the guys playing GTA on the Xbox in the front lounge. I got out of my bunk and went to the fridge to grab juice. I turned around and saw Zack and Peter playing Xbox and River looking right at me. Suddenly I remembered last night and blushed. I quickly looked away from him and poured my juice. "Morning everyone." I said without looking away from my juice.

"Morning." The other guys said.

In the corner of my eyes I saw River walking over to me. "So how are you feeling this morning? Hungover?"

"Actually, not so much. I've just got a bit of a headache." I replied.

He then pulled out some aspirin for me. He handed me the glass. "Thanks." I said as I downed it.

After I finished, I could see that River was trying to figure me out. "I still remember everything from last night, if that's what you're worried about me forgetting."

He wrapped his arms around me and I happily hugged him in return.

"So nothing's changed from last night? You still meant what you said to me?" River asked me, pulling away.

I nodded with a grin and stood on my tippy toes to kiss him. He leaned down and our lips connected. We kissed for a bit then I heard Alex say something behind us while clapping. "About fucking time you guys got back together."

I quickly pulled away from River, blushing as I looked down at the glass of water he had given me. There was still a bit of water left so I drank it and put the glass in the sink then as I turned I only just saw the end of River hitting Alex in the arm. "Ow, what was that for?" Alex complained.

"For trying to make it awkward." River replied quietly.

I pretended I didn't see this exchange and pulled out a cereal box. "Anyone want some cereal?" I asked the guys.

"Zack, Peter and I already ate just before you got up." River replied.

"I'll have some, please." Alex sat down on the couch.

"Yeah no problem." I said as I pulled out two bowls and started making cereal.

River sat down next to Peter again and watched the game. I soon walked there and handed Alex his bowl then sat down next to River. River soon rested his arm over the back of the couch behind me then lightly nudged me to move closer to him. I couldn't help but smile that he wanted me close.

"Fucking YES!!!!" Zack cheered, dropping the controller on the couch and standing up. He looked at Peter. "I completed the mission before you. You lose." His eyes then caught onto River and I. "What's going on? I thought—"

"They're together again." Alex answered.

"Well, that's not completely true." River said. "We just..."

"We just have to figure it out." I explained as I smiled at River.

He smiled back and I began to feel that something good was coming in the near future.