Follow The Music

Chapter 21: Write

I said some words at his funeral that I'm sure I would have forgotten if I hadn't written them down. It wasn't because I didn't care, but instead because I blocked out much of the funeral. I didn't want to remember it. Too many people were looking to me to see how I would act. They were watching to see if I would make even the slightest wrong move. People everywhere were watching me because I was the girl Cole left behind. I just wanted this day to be over.

People always said that funerals were never for those who had passed but instead to those who they left behind.

My friends and band mates were all here for me. Even River was here for me and I was confronted with my inner conflicting emotions about it. On the one hand I was glad and on the other, I wished he hadn't come.

Now it's dark out and I sat in my bedroom staring at a blank page. I look over at my guitar and fondly remember when River and I wrote that song together. My eyes then drift to my wardrobe and I am taken back to a time where I was so young.

*flashback*

I woke in the middle of the night to the sound of my own scream. I looked around me but my mind couldn't keep up with what I was seeing which was my own ordinary room.

"Emma, babe, are you okay?"

Screamed again at the sudden voice. It was coming from just beside me on the bed and I fell to the floor in an attempt to get away from the stranger. It was too dark to see who it was.

"Whoa, what's wrong? Why are you screaming?" Cole had asked.

I crawled further away from the sound of the voice and cowered up to my wardrobe with my knees up and arms hugging it. "Who are you? Why are you in my room? How did you get here?"

"Em, honey, it's just me. It's Cole. And you wanted me to stay. You brought me here." He stood and turned on the bedside light then slowly reached me. "Just breathe, Emma and calm down."

As I saw his face, I calmed down. I breathed.

"Now tell me what happened."

"I had a nightmare. I kept on seeing my dad and grandparents dying over and over again. Then all of a sudden they were laying in a morgue then I was surrounded by people, faces I know and they just all slowly one by one dropped to the ground and wouldn't get back up again. It was because of me. It's all my fault. Everyone keeps on dying around me. I'm a walking curse."

Cole wrapped his arms around me and said; "you are not. You're perfect."

I tried my best to release myself from his grasp. "You need to stay away from me too. You need to live."

"Why would I stay away from someone whom I love so much? I'm not going anywhere. There is nothing wrong with you. You've just had a tough life that's all."

"I don't want you to die. You need to live. Stay away from me."

"You can't scare me off that easy."

"But please just listen to me. You had a tough enough life with your family. You don't need this in your life too."

"I did listen to you. Now you listen to me. I'd rather have a short and fulfilled live with you, the person I love, rather than live a long unsatisfied life."