Follow The Music

Chapter 23: Pain

I woke up early in the morning after a whole night of nightmares. Some were so bad that I struggled to even wake up. Something's got to change. I can't keep living like this. I need sleep. It was still dark outside. I looked at the clock. It was 3:41am. I got out of bed and wondered around my apartment. I looked around trying to find anything to do to keep my mind off everything. Then my eyes latched onto something and I began to spiral down into the dark abyss.

* * * *

I laughed, I cried, I span around washed in complete dizziness. I was happy with being unhappy and I was unhappy with being happy. This may not be considered the right way to handle the death of someone I used to know. But it was all I had that might, just maybe give me the chance to feel better. I am weak. I had come to terms with that years ago and I had accepted it. But all this time I had spent being deluded otherwise with all the things River had said about me and done for me. It wasn't his fault. He just saw the best in me. But me? I should have known better. I know my capabilities and being strong is not one of them.

I take another swig and feel the burn down my throat. I don't remember much. But I had the best sleep I have had in quite a while. And in the end that's all I really cared about.

* * * *

I woke to the sound of my ringtone. I groaned in distaste and answered the phone with my head still plummeted in pillows on my bed. "What."

"Em? Where are you?" River asked.

"I'm here. I'm home."

"We're all at the studio. You were supposed to be here an hour ago."

"Shit." I hissed, getting up from my bed. "I'm leaving now." I hung up and quickly got changed, take some aspirin, brushed my teeth, grabbed my bag and locked the apartment door behind me.

I ran to my car and turned on the engine. I began driving there and brushing my hair at the same time. I parked the car and ran out into the studio. "Sorry I'm late. I came as quick as I could."

All the guys and our music producer Lucy looked at me weirdly.

"What?" I asked.

"You're not wearing any shoes." Alex said.

"And your shirt is back to front." Zack added.

I looked down at myself and groaned, face-palming myself.

"It's okay." Lucy said as she grabbed her bag and walked to me. "I always carry an extra pair of shoes so if the heels I'm wearing will start to hurt after a while and you look like you're about my size." She then put some flats on the floor in front of me.

I tried them on and it actually fit me. I then looked over to Lucy. "Thank you." I then hugged her. I pulled away and then I saw an odd look on her face.

It was confusion then it turned to realisation and then concern. "Is everything okay, Em?"

"Yeah. I guess so..." I was trying to figure out what she was thinking.

"It's just that you- what happened last night?"

Suddenly I was aware of what she was talking about. How did she know that I had drank so much? I made sure to spray perfume so nobody would notice. Was it because I hugged her and that I was so close to her? It makes sense. I pretended to play dumb and said; "not much really. I was writing and watching a few movies at home. Nothing that big." I shrugged. "So did I miss anything? Have you started recording guys?"

"Well, we recorded Alex playing drums because he just came up with a beat messing around waiting for you." Peter said.

"Okay, let's hear it." I chirped.