The Pastor Daughter

So Stupid

i had everything but i was just so stupid thinking that a male would love me for me and wouldn't see me as the prostitute . he gave me food , he give me shelter , i have everything i ever wanted  but i had to open my mouth .

i thought he really and truly loved me but he's just like the others only see the prostitute in me and what made it worst is that i fell for him. i'm in love with josh maybe that was the reason i got so angry when i saw him with another girl and that is what makes my face looks like a Christmas tree. me face was still all kinds of color . i couldn't go anywhere . it's been a week since he hit me and still my face looked terrible .

Bang! Bang! 

came from my door .

"come in," i said.

"hey," josh pushed in his head.

i didn't answer him.

he walks in and sat beside me and put my hand in his large palm /

"am sorry for hitting you i was just really angry i didn't know what got over me," he said squeezing my hand.

"i was just trying to tell you that the kind of job i do is required to be around many women and i can't have a girl that would be over protective that's why i chose you . since you should understand the institution with having more than one partners  . if i wanted a girl friend i would chose a good girl i wouldn't chose a prostitute ," he said.

"okay ," i said. 

"do you forgive me for hitting you?" he asked.

i had no choice

"yes," i said.

and he got up kissed me on my forehead and left the room.

like i said he would only see me as a prostitute . i have to bottle up my emotion if i don't want another beaten from him.

when my bruises was almost healed i was so happy to get out the house . i asked josh for some money to go shopping .

the drive to the the mall was longish since it was located almost at the end of town .

i entered the mall getting the same attention from both males and females . 

the first store i entered was a male and female clothing store names fashion .

i picked out a beautiful sun dress and went to the changing area there was only one so i had to wait on thoe person to come out . while i was waiting i looked on some shorts . when the person came out they bumped me . when i looked up it had to me that man.

what man your asking the man from church the past or man John. he looked at me and smiled .

"hi is nice to see you again ," he said smiling at me .

i looked at him and then i looked at his hand and past him and went in the changing room.

can you believe he was still standing  in front of the changing room when  came back out .

"i know how to admit when i am wrong . i'm sorry for what i said . i judged you before even knowing you and that is one of the worst thing a pastor could do because i don't know what you have been through but all i can do is pray for you and hope for the best . am really sorry," he said.

he sound really genuine.

"i forgive you," i said.

a huge smile came on his face and i gave him back a smile. he is truly an handsome man.

i picked out some more dresses and went to the cashier . john was right behind me.

as i walked out the store he called my name so i looked back.

"are you here with anyone?" he asked.

"no. why you ask?" i said.

"um so you wouldn't mind if i shopped with you?" he asked.

"no," i said smiling .

he was really cut when he looks nervous.

we shopped together and it was fun. when we where hungry he brought me to the food court . he brought me a cheese pizza . i taste so good.

"how's your pizza," he asked.

"great," i said.

"your beautiful do you know that?" he asked me.

i started to feel a little nervous under his stairs  .

"thank you," i said with my head down .

"you don't have to be embarrassed. any man would be lucky to have you as his wife," he said.

i looked up from my pizza and he was staring at me . he lean in closer to me . i didn't move .i closed my eyes waiting on his lips to meet mine . his breath fanned my lips just a centimeter more  .

is  it to late to say sorry, my phone rang i looked down and saw an unknown number .

"hello," i answered .

"hello baby," my father voice sounded through the phone .

"what do you want?" i asked getting angry he called.

" is it wrong wanting to talk to your daughter?" he asked.

" what do you want dad?" i said getting really angry now.

john looked at me from the other side of the table.

"sorry i got to go," i said to john while getting up from the table.

"what did you say ," me dad asked

"i wasn't talking to you but it would be nice if i hang up to," i said.

"wait can i get your number?" john asked holding out his phone .

i took it from him and put in my number and name.

"bye nice spending the day with you," john said.

"who's there in the background ?" me dad asked.

"it's not your business," i replied .

"it is mine since you are my daughter," my father said.

those words mad me really angry .

"i'm not your daughter since that night you touched me ," i said low in the phone.

"i'm sorry that's why i called . i have repented of my sins and i'm asking for forgiveness from all who i hurt. i know your not going to forgive me right away but i would want you to see the difference in me and soon we would be a family again .  you are my only child and the last of my family . i was to depress after your mother's death to see but know i see and i'm sorry," he said.

i have me hearing sorry allot this past few weeks . my father's words brought  tears to my eyes it didn't fix the hate i have for him but it made it less . when i was younger i prayed for my family to go back together but it never happen it just got worst and worst . i was raised to depend on God and pray to him but after i was raped i lost my love and trust for God after that i believed there was know god .