Smothered (bxb)

Feelings For You

I met Gus at the elm after school and we walked to the cove in a not quite comfortable silence. The conversation from earlier still fresh in our minds as we kept walking down the streets of LA. As we walked down towards the beach we walked past a gay couple who were holding hands, openly sharing a loving gaze at each other. It was beautiful... and I was completely jealous. Jealous because I didn't think that would ever be me. My only friend probably knew I was crushing on him and he was probably going to stop wanting to hang out and probably going to never talk to me again, and was probably thinking of how to let me off easy. I was so worried that he would hate me, so anxious that he would find out and I would be alone... completely and utterly alone again.

As we walked through the trees I followed behind Gus, keeping my distance and trying not to get too close to him. At one point he looked back and his eyebrows were pulled into the middle of his forehead quizzically and he ushered me to come closer but I still kept a careful distance. When we reached the cove he spread his jacket like he usually does, but instead of us leaning against each other on his jacket I took off my sweater and put it about a foot away from his. At that, he looked at me and frowned, his hazel eyes looked... hurt? No, that couldn't be right. It was probably hate, not hurt. I looked down at my feet and started to draw circles in the pristine, white sand.

"Okay." I heard Gus say in a frustrated tone, "Spill it out. Right now. What's gotten into you, Rain? You aren't acting yourself. Was it because of what happened at lunch? Because if it is, you're being really stupid, don't let that guy get to you." He looked over at me with a worried expression played out on his thin face and moved off of his jacket so he was sitting closer to me. He scooted so that his knees were touching mine in front of me as we sat cross legged in the sand. Gus put one of his hands gently on my knee like he was trying to coax me into telling him what he already knew. But I didn't want to say it. No, I desperately did want to say it... I just didn't want anything to change because of it. I looked down at my interlaced hands, avoiding his concerned gaze. Butterflies moshed in the pit of my stomach as I contemplated the consequences.

"Rain..." Gus whispered to me, "I'm worried about you, okay? Please let me know why you're so... upset." He said in a kind voice. I noticed his thumb was moving in circles over the spot on my knee and my head started to spin from the touch. I couldn't think, my head was pounding as fast as my chest and my gut was clenched with anxiety. I felt like I might pass out. My head hurt and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I shut my eyes tight trying to stop the spinning and pounding in my brain, and I felt a tear drip down the side of my cheek from the pain... then all of a sudden I felt something warm brush up against my lips and press slightly onto my skin. My eyes snapped open and I watched as Gus's beautiful, pale face was pressed up against mine as he kissed me. The kiss was light and as quickly as it happened he pulled away, and gripped my face in his long, thin hands forcing me to look into his worried eyes. I was aghast. Did that really just happen, or did I pass out and this is a dream? I looked into Gus's caring eyes and let out a long breath. Gus just kissed me... does that mean... that he... likes me... as more than a friend? I couldn't begin to comprehend what had just happened.

"It's okay." Gus whispered as he leaned an inch or two away to give me a little space so our faces weren't almost touching, though his hands still held my head, directing my gaze at him. "It's okay to be afraid, okay?" He said softly in his raspy voice. I nodded with my eyes wide in surprise as he gave me an encouraging smile. "Why don't you get it off your chest? Maybe if you say it out loud then it will feel easier to handle?" He said raising his voice at the end of the question. I blink and realize what he wants me to do. He wants me to confess to him that I like him. It seems odd to me, doesn't he already know? Isn't that why he kissed me? I see him nod as if letting me know that its time to get it off my chest.

"Okay," I say in an airy whisper, "Gus..." He looks at me intently as if holding on to every word, "I kinda, um... Well, not kinda... I definitely have... um... feelings for you." I rushed the last few words as if pushing them out so I didn't have the burden of it as a secret anymore. I looked up at Gus nervously, his hazel eyes seeming to comfort me as he smiles.

"Rain?" He asks me slowly.

"Yeah?" I breathlessly whisper.

"I kinda definitely have um feelings for you too." He said smiling and letting out a small chuckle. His hands let go of my cheeks and slid down my neck, his thumbs resting just under my sharp jawline. My breath was stolen from me again as Gus leaned his body forwards pressing his smooth lips onto mine while tilting my head back and up closer to his face. I returned the kiss pushing further into it as our lips melted together.

The kiss grew heated with a passionate wanting as Gus shifted his tall body onto my lap and straddled my hips while snaking his hands down from my neck and trailing down the length of my chest, exploring the muscles that rippled under my shirt. His cool, thin fingers found the hem of my shirt and sneaked their way underneath it smoothly grazing the sensitive skin just above my belt. Gus left a trail of goosebumps along my skin wherever he touched. His lips parted from mine and we both took a second to breathe as we were both panting for air, but in an instant Gus was down on my neck kissing and sucking the smooth skin. His husky breaths making me shiver, he moved up to just behind my ear and found my sensitive spot and earned a small moan which escaped my full lips as he kept sucking my skin. It was undoubtedly going to leave a large, long lasting mark. Gus smiled as he pulled away from my neck and looked into my wide eyes. I was wondering what was going on in his head as he was doing this. My brain was filled with too many butterflies to say anything coherent so I just heaved a huge breath out and gently placed my forehead on his shoulder, leaning forwards in towards his chest. I felt his comforting arms wrap around my slightly shaking body.

I was so freaking relieved, Gus didn't hate me, he liked me, he actually just made out with me for God's sake! I was shaking with relief that I had not lost my best friend, but that maybe I had gained a stronger more intimate relationship with this kind, caring, artistic, sweet, beautiful boy. Gus started to rub circles on my back like I did to him when he was having his last asthma attack, It was so soothing I felt calm flood within my body creating a peaceful moment with Gus sitting in my lap, arms around me as I leaned into his strong chest for support.

"You okay?" I heard a hoarse voice ask me.

"Yeah, yeah I am." I said as he continued to rub my back comfortingly.

"That was pretty intense, eh?" He said with a small chuckle. I nodded into his shoulder, exhausted from all the pent up anxiety that had finally be released. "Rain, I think we should move a little more slowly." He whispered into my ear, "At least at first."

"Yeah, that was... that was a lot." I said still stunned by our lust filled frenzy. He nodded at that and continued.

"So, what do we do now?" He asked me.

"What do you mean?"

"Um, like do you want to... I don't know, got out maybe?" He asked me shyly. I smiled into the fabric of his t-shirt. It smelled like a mix of coconuts and a musky scent that was distinctly male.

"Yes."

"Okay, great!" He said in an excited tone, "How about tomorrow night? It's Friday so you won't have to worry about the time or anything."

"Sounds like a date." I said still smiling wide; I was completely relieved.

"A date." He said to himself. After a few minutes we separated from our embrace and laid next to each other in the warm sand as we watched the sunset from our own, private little beach.