FORTY

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What the fuck is wrong with me?

Shouldn't I be giving him the silent treatment? Shouldn't I be pushing Zion away at every moment instead of becoming some bipolar individual who one second is mad and then the next is completely fine? I saw Ginger' body drop as Zion killed her with no respect. I should be mad, freaking out, unsure of what to do. I should be cautious and hating the man before me rather than sitting beside him as if he didn't murder a Ring Leader. As if he didn't murder my mate.

Sebastian. Sure, he was a dick, one hell of a pain in the ass, but Sebastian would of never killed like that. Sebastian had respect for those he would kill, never being shallow to end a life with a silver bullet. To tell the truth, I actually liked Ginger. I liked what she was, a woman who was blunt and badass, never caring for anyone but herself unless someone proved themselves valuable. I now wish I had known her whole story, even the parts that she wanted to keep locked up forever.

So here I sit, the causer of two deaths by the hands of the Alpha King. Grave after grave.

I think the reason why I push these people away from my emotions when they die is because I want to prove myself. I want to prove to the Alpha King before me that I can take a loss of someone I've known. That I won't be some emotional bitch. But what is that saying about me? That I'd rather switch off my emotions of the dead just to impress a man?! That's not me, that's not the Sybil I ever wanted to be.

Back in the city as a rogue I was stronger, never wanting to prove anything to anyone but myself. I would prove to myself I could stand the situation of being alone and struggling, that I would not crack under the whip. Yet here I stand, one moment wanting to tell Zion off, to boss people around, to take charge, and then the next I let my tail drop between my legs and become scared. Scared of what?

"Sybil," Zion states, causing me to jump from my thoughts. "We're at the airport."

Looking outside, I see the private strip, the plane awaiting us with the Royal symbol upon the end. "Let's go."

I know I'll be going back. Hell, Drexel isn't even here to save me again. Wherever the warrior is that aided me in this escape, for sure he's far gone from Zion. Zion should want his head on a stick the next time Drexel ever reaches the palace walls.

Stepping out of the car, my head begins to swarm with questions. Question of what will happen when I get back. The second I was with Zion I began to change, change into someone who didn't care if they just saw blood across the floors. Am I becoming the King? Zion murders for no true reason and shrugs it off as it ends, talking of things that people would not associate with a murder. He's a monster, a monster in the sense that he kills with no care...and I think I may become him. I may become someone who doesn't flinch when a bullet rips through a heart.

"Sybil, let's go."

I'm still by the door of the car, watching the man before me.

Do I love him? Do I even like him?

I always thought the person I would fall for would make me blush and my stomach turn into a massive knot. I always thought I would ask like some love-sick school girl when I found the one. Yet now I stand before someone I've agreed to marry, only to not feel those things. I don't feel shy, I don't blush, my stomach doesn't turn into knots, and for sure I don't shy away and cover the smile. Instead, I stand still, staring him in the eyes, my head hurting, and my teeth clenched.

"I want something to assure."

"Assure what?" Zion asks, dismissing his men to the plane as the driver begins taking my luggage over. "What?"

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