Divine Will

Chapter Twenty Nine - Heartfelt Confessions

I looked around the store that was filled with a wide range of beautiful flowers; red roses, yellow daisies, pink tulips, purple dahlias, it was endless.

"May I help you?" I heard a woman's voice ask.

I turned around and saw the florist, who was an old woman with grey hair, standing behind the counter that was filled with all types of flowers as well. I told the woman what I needed the flowers for and asked her for her help in choosing the right ones since I had no idea what to pick. She advised me to go with the red roses and so I did.

The kind woman wrapped the flowers with a red ribbon and handed them to me across the counter then rang up the cost on the old cash register. I gave her a twenty dollar bill and she handed me the change. I thanked her then walked out of the store with the roses in hand.

Donovan opened the car door for me.
"Where would you like to go now, ma'am?" He asked me politely and I gave a playful scowl.

I have tried to get him to call me Rosie, but he just wouldn't. I gave him the address where I wanted to go and he nodded then walked to his side of the car and got in before he started driving.

"We're here." Donovan informed me a while later as the car stopped.

I stepped outside of the car and looked around. Silent Gardens Cemetery was still the same since the last time I came here. I stood there for a moment; frozen in my spot, until I walked in and my foot automatically took me to Nicholas's grave; where I had been a million times before.

A tear slowly slid down my rosy cheeks as I stood at Nicholas's grave. I felt my knees giving in and I kneeled down on his grave and touched his headstone then placed the red roses there. All sorts of emotions hit me right then and there and with that, the dam burst, and the tears spilled forth, raining down my cheeks and splashing on the ground.

"I miss you, Nicholas. Why did you have to leave me all alone in this cruel, cruel world?" I sniffed before continuing. "I'm sorry I haven't visited you for quite some time, but a lot of things have happened." I dried my tears with the back of my hand and made way for new fresh ones. "I want to tell you something that I've been keeping from you for a long time." I took a deep breath before diving into what I had to say. "Your parents sued me, Nicholas. They took everything you left for me and the kids, they even took our house; the house that we lived in and made memory after memory in, they took it all. I was left stranded on the street with nowhere to go. My parents took me and the kids in until I could stand on both of my feet. I rented a small house that we currently live in." I took a deep breath before continuing. "I don't know what happened. I don't know why they did that. They used to love me as their own." I sniffed again. "Your dad came to visit me the other day. He apologized for everything that he and your mother did. He even gave me a check with the amount that they took from me, but I don't care about the money. Your mom didn't come, though and I know it's because she still hates me." I sighed and stayed quiet and rested my head on the headstone for a moment as I let the tears freely fall down. "I met a very nice man." I said then sat back up straight. "His name is Julian. Remember him? He is the doctor that used to visit you at the hospital every day. I didn't tell you this, but he wanted me whilst you were still alive, but I loved you too much to even think about another man. I met him again a couple of months ago, and he still wants me. He asked for my hand in marriage and I said yes. I'm engaged." I said as I looked at the ring on my finger. "At least I think I am. He said he wanted a break. He said I was putting up a wall." I sighed. "He wanted me and the kids to move in with him, but I said no. I was scared; scared that we might not last and then the kids and I would end up on the street again." I sniffed and dried my eyes with the palm of my hand. "I love him, though, I really do and the kids are smitten by him, but I think I messed up." Fresh tears spilled down my face. "I'm going over to his house and explain everything to him. I'm going to give him answers to all the questions that he has and if he still doesn't want me then..." I trailed off. "God, it feels so good to pour my heart out to you, and even though you can't respond, I know that you're listening to me." A small smile made its way to my face. "Remember how you used to call me your angel? I need you to be my angel now, my love. I need you to be with me when I tell Julian everything. I need your love and guidance, not just now, but forever." I took a deep breath. "I loved you, Nicholas, and I still do. You will forever be a part of me no matter what." I stayed quiet for a moment before I whispered. "I love you." I then stood up and dried my tears with the back of my hand and straightened my dress before turning around to walk back to the car, but my legs froze as I saw who was standing right behind me.