TALK TO ME ¯ᶠʳᵉʳᵃʳᵈ

-ˏˋｔｈｒｅｅ：ｐａｔｈｅｔｉｃˊˎ-

WARNING:

Topics such as rape, self-harm, child abuse and homophobia are mentioned a lot through out this story. Do not proceed if these topics trigger you.

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"What are you doing here?" Gerard asked. I lay on the floor and didn't dare move from my spot. I could feel my heart speeding up, but I took deep breaths to calm myself down. "Hey, you didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

I could hear footsteps coming my way and I scrambled up off the floor, standing up, but my head spun a little from sitting up so fast, so I held on to where I had hit it.

"You hit your head, sit down," Gerard said, taking my arm and guiding me to his bed. I sat on the edge, keeping my eyes on the floor until my vision cleared, then I looked around the room I was in. It hadn't changed much since I had been in it two years ago. It was a bit messier, and more drawings littered the walls and the floor, and well, everywhere.

"You alright?" he asked, standing awkwardly in front of me. I looked up at him and nodded. He knelt down and looked up at me. His hands rested on my knees and his eyes locked with mine. I nibbled on my lip ring out of habit and tried to keep my breath steady. "Where'd you hit your head?"

I brought a shaky hand up to my temple that was still throbbing just a bit. He moved my hand away, and brushed my hair out of the way, tucking a few strands behind my ear. I didn't dare move an inch because I could ruin this moment and this position and I didn't want anything to change it. He used the same hand to turn my face a bit so he could get a better look, then he stood up and moved away from me. I wished I had the courage to pull him back because I missed having him so close to me.

"I don't see a bump or anything, so you're good," he said, taking a seat on the edge of his desk. "Just be careful next time."

I nodded, locking my eyes on his shoes. It was taking every ounce of strength to keep myself calm at that moment. My heart was beating a riot in my chest. I nodded, a little too frantically.

"You alright?"

I nodded again.

"Why do you look so scared? You've been down here before, you don't need to be nervous."

I nodded and heard him sigh loudly. Silence followed, but silence between Gerard and I was never awkward. Somehow it felt comfortable. He took a seat at his desk, his back now to me so I could comfortably stare at him. He seemed engrossed in a drawing, so I didn't want to distract him. I enjoyed being down here. This is what we usually would do. I would sit there while he drew and occasionally he would talk or ramble to me about one of his drawings and I would listen intently. I was happy to be back in this position, but then I remembered why I was down here. I couldn't just forget the last two years, but I didn't have the courage to talk to him about it. Whenever he looked at me, I got too nervous to do anything. I was fine right now, with his back to me, so I got an idea.

I pulled out my phone and texted him: "Please, don't turn around. It makes me nervous. I just want to ask you something."

I held my phone tight in my hands, sweat forming from the heat of the phone and from my nervousness. I heard a gentle vibrate against his desk and he picked it up. I couldn't see his reaction but he was quick to text back.

"What is it?"

I took a deep breath. I had to do it. I had to just tear it off like a band-aid. "Why have you ignored me for two years?"

Gerard was now leaning back in his chair, no longer paying attention to the drawing. I heard a vibrate and then I could have sworn I heard him sigh, but I wasn't sure.