TALK TO ME ¯ᶠʳᵉʳᵃʳᵈ

-ˏˋｔｗｅｎｔｙ ｏｎｅ：ｎｏｔ ｇｉｖｉｎｇ ｕｐˊˎ-

By the time I reached the Way household, I couldn't fucking breathe but I still managed to continue when I saw Gerard's car parked outside of the house. I ran to the front door, fiddling with the keys, before I finally swung the door open and ran into the house.

"Gerard!" Mikey called, running right behind me towards the basement. It wasn't closed all the way shut, which automatically caused me to be suspicious because Gerard always closed his door fully.

I ran down the stairs into the basement and stopped when I didn't see anyone there. I was about to turn around and run back up the stairs, but something caught my eye. There was a plastic bag on the desk and I could recognize that bag anywhere.

"Is that..." Mikey mumbled, following my gaze towards the bag. I nodded, both of us still out of breath.

I looked towards the bathroom and saw that it was closed. I went over there and reached straight for the door knob, but it was locked. I heard a sniffle from behind the door and knew Gerard was in there. Fuck. I knocked on the door and there was shuffling behind the door.

"F-F-Frankie?" I heard Gerard whimper.

Mikey came up next to me and put his ear to the door.

"Gerard, it's me and Frankie," Mikey spoke. "Open up."

"N-no," Gerard answered, his voice barely audible. "J-just leave. Please."

"Gerard, we're not leaving," Mikey said, knocking roughly on the door.

There was silence and my hands began to tremble and I got lightheaded from the fear I was feeling. I pulled my phone out and shakily texted Mikey. Mikey raised his eye brow when he saw what I had texted him.

"Are you sure?" he asked and I nodded. Mikey knocked on the door again. "Gerard, Frankie said if you slipped up, if you used the cocaine, it's ok. Just open so we can make sure you're alright."

"N-no," Gerard mumbled, his voice significantly lower. There was less fear in it and now he just sounded...lifeless.

Mikey sighed and went over to Gerard's desk; I didn't turn to watch what he was doing. I just leaned against the door and rested my forward against it. I took a deep breath, thinking that now would be the perfect time to talk, but I just couldn't. I had my mouth open, ready to call Gerard's name, but my voice was trapped in my throat by my heartbeat that was pulsing throughout my entire body. I let out a defeated sigh and pulled my cell phone out to text him, hoping he had his phone with him.

I wrote, "Gerard, talk to me. Why are you hiding from me?" and hit send.

I heard the phone vibrate against the tiled floors of the bathroom and then silence followed. There was silence for a while and I thought he was texting me back instead of talking, but he finally spoke, his voice a lot closer to the door.

"Leave me, Frankie," Gerard said solemnly. "Give up on me. It's no use. I'm no use. I'm not worth it. Nothing can help me."

I shook my head but forgot that he couldn't see me. I let out a frustrated sigh. Come on, why couldn't I just talk?? As I was having a mental battle with myself, I didn't notice that Mikey was back next to me with a key in his hand. He unlocked the bathroom door and stepped aside, offering me the chance to walk in first.

I took a deep breath and opened the door, bracing myself for what I would see.

I was fighting back tears when I saw what a mess Gerard was. He was cowered in a corner, in nothing but his boxers. He had his head on his knees and his hands in his hair. I could see an empty plastic bag on the floor and gulped when I realized he must have slipped. I decided to be happy that he only had one bag, but when I took a step further into the bathroom, I caught sight of the trash can and saw a pile of empty bags in it. Fuck. I hesitated for a minute, but then continued walking towards him. He hadn't realized I was even there, but when I knelt down next to him, his head snapped up and he tried to back away from me, but he was already pressed against the wall. I was a little taken aback by the way he looked at me, like I was some stranger. His eyes were wide and he just pressed his body against the wall, like it would protect him from me.

"Don't..." he spoke, turning his face away from me, pressing his forehead against the wall. "Don't look at me."

I placed a hand on his shoulder, but he flinched wildly at the touch, effectively causing my hand to draw away. "DON'T!" he yelled, taking me by surprise.

Tears filled my eyes, but I blinked them back, having to be strong. I had to get Gerard out of the state he was in and crying wouldn't do that. I looked up at the doorway, where Mikey stood, looking completely mortified. He was usually like my pillar, giving me the strength to handle situations like this, but he was just as stunned as I was. Neither of us knew what to do with Gerard being so far gone.

I just sat there, letting myself sink completely to the floor.

Gerard stayed in the same position, his face turned away from me. His whole body was trembling and all I wanted to do was hold him, but he wouldn't be letting me get any closer, so I just sat there.

"Frankie," Gerard suddenly whimpered. I quickly leaned closer to him and saw that he had his eyes shut tight. I used a hand to gently tuck a strand of hair away from his face and behind his hair. He didn't flinch or push me away, so I figured it was safe to get closer. I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him away from the wall, allowing his body to rest against mine. "I...I lost it."

I nodded, not being surprised that Gerard used cocaine again. It was an addiction; it would take time. I was disappointed, but I had to understand how strong his temptations were.

"I'm such a fucking failure," he sighed. "I can't do anything right, I can't be as strong as you. You quit your addiction, I can't quit mine. Just give up on me, Frankie. Let me die with it."

I gasped at his last statement. No. He couldn't think that way! Dying was not okay, not when I needed him alive and well with me. I lifted his face up so that I could look into his eyes. He tried to look down, obviously ashamed of his appearance, but I held him still, keeping our eyes locked together. I leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, just a small peck to communicate that I would be staying. I wasn't able to do it with words, so that's all I had.

Gerard tried to pull away, but I held his lips against mine and continued kissing him gently until he finally kissed me back, but only shortly.

He let his head drop to my shoulder, resting it there.

"I'm tired," he said simply.

I nodded and stood up, helping him up off the floor. He had most of his body weight on me as I limped with him out of the bathroom. Mikey was still standing at the door, in complete shock at the situation. He just stepped aside for Gerard and me and then stared at us as I walked Gerard to the bed. He fell to the bed and cuddled into the sheets, falling into a heavy sleep right away.

I fell to my knees next to the bed and finally let out the tears that had built up inside of me. I wasn't angry at Gerard for slipping up, I almost expected it, I just hated to see him so torn and so broken. It literally hurt me to see him this way, so unlike himself, so lost. I almost wanted to allow him the cocaine so that he wasn't hurting. I mentally slapped myself for the thought. I wiped my tears off and kissed the side of Gerard's head before standing up and going to Mikey, who looked just as broken as his brother.

Mikey, usually my rock, usually my support, took me into a tight hug, his tall body awkwardly leaning over mine to make the hug work.

"I..." he sighed. "He looked so..."

I nodded, understanding exactly what he was felling.

"He looked so dead, Frank," he choked out. "He looked dead without it. I knew he was addicted, but he's killing himself over it."

I nodded. That's all I could get myself to do.

"I don't wanna lose him, Frankie," he sniffled and pulled away from the hug. He took off his glasses and scrubbed at his eyes before putting them back on. "I can't lose my ass hole of a big brother."

I chuckled lifelessly and looked back to Gerard's sleeping figure. He had rolled onto his back, but was still sound asleep, his chest heaving up and down with each deep breath.

"You won't," I said confidently. "We won't."