TALK TO ME ¯ᶠʳᵉʳᵃʳᵈ

-ˏˋｆｏｒｔｙ ｏｎｅ：ｎｏ ｏｎｅ ｅｌｓｅˊˎ-

I reached the Way home, panting heavily, completely out of breath. Mikey was sitting outside on the porch and got up and ran to me when he saw me.

I bent over and caught my breath, Mikey waiting patiently until I could stand up straight and speak properly.

"What happened?!" I finally asked.

"Look, I could have texted you this, or told you over the phone, but I wanted to tell you and make sure you stayed calm when you found out," Mikey said, worrying me even more.

"Mikey, you're fucking killing me, what happened?!" I asked again.

"Shane talked to Gerard," Mikey said, avoiding my eyes that grew wide and stared at him like he was insane. "He talked to him, like, with his voice, not texting."

He talked to Gerard. He had only known him for a week and he talked to him. I opened my mouth to say something, but then shut it. What was there to say? Shane had given Gerard what I hadn't been able to give him. He gave him the one thing Gerard was waiting to get from me. He had not only replaced me, but completely surpassed me.

"Frankie," Mikey spoke, but I still stared ahead, unmoving. "Frank, snap out of it!"

"I haven't..." I mumbled, looking down at my shoes, avoiding Mikey's eyes. "I haven't talked to your brother. I haven't done that for him. Shane did."

"Frankie, shut the fuck up and don't you dare start thinking like that!" he exclaimed, placing a firm hand on my shoulder. I brought my head up to look at him. "I knew you'd react this way and start thinking shit of yourself, so I had to tell you. Shane came over right when I was getting back and I saw him at the door and told him you're not here. He texted me saying that he just needed a kind of pencil for a drawing for his art homework, and that Gerard had it so I thought okay that sounds innocent. So we went inside and then Gerard went to get the pencil that Shane needed and then I was doing something in the kitchen when I heard a voice I didn't recognize. I went in and realized Shane had talked to Gerard. They were laughing and shit about how it happened and that's when I called you. So pull yourself together, go inside, and act normal, got it?"

"Act normal?" I whined. "You want me to act normal after that?"

"Yes," he hissed. "I honestly think this guy Shane is full of shit. If he was that traumatized he wouldn't get over his nerves in just a week! You love Gerard with everything you have and you haven't been able to get past your anxiety. There's no fucking way he got over it in a week, I don't give a shit what he says. So you go in there and you don't let Shane see that it bothered you. You act completely fucking natural like talking is no big deal and like you could live forever without talking and still have Gerard all to yourself. Be fucking confident, Frankie!"

"But..." I bit my lip to hold back the tears. "I'm not confident, Mikey. If I ever had any confidence, it's all fucking gone."

Mikey suddenly took me into a hug, seeing how broken I felt. I hugged him back.

"Go ahead and let it out now," he said. "If you need to cry, do it now, but don't let Shane see you cry. That little fucker thinks you're weak, and you're not. Show that to him."

I cried shamelessly against Mikey's shoulder, letting out every ounce of inadequacy that I felt. Released my lack of self-confidence, my low self-esteem, my self-loathing. I let it out all out and allowed it to stain Mikey's hoodie-covered shoulder.

"I'm sorry that all this makes you feel like shit," Mikey said, comfortingly. "But seriously, Frankie, like I'm not just kissing ass, no one will ever be like you. Even if you don't talk, that doesn't fucking matter. I mean, you've made a difference in our lives without even talking, who the fuck can do that?!"