Undercover (Phan)

Chapter 20 (Trigger Warning)

A/N: Trigger Warning: Mentions of sexual abuse. Losing a loved one. This chapter is also just generally pretty depressing.

Dan's POV

What if I was wrong?

What if I shouldn't have killed the first doctor that was originally taking care of Maria's ultrasound? Maria is a part of a rival agency that tried to hack into Eden. That doctor was one of my own. Why did I kill him? Did he really touch Maria in an inappropriate way? I know that for those ultrasounds, somethings you have to do things...down there. What if she was over reacting? What if she was just saying he did something to her? What if she's just using her pregnancy so that we won't kill her? How did her agency allow her to get pregnant anyway?

But let's say that Maria was right. Let's say the doctor was in fact inappropriate with her. What does that say about the rest of the agency? Are there other sexual abusers roaming around Eden that I don't know about? I was always taught in my early education never to harm someone if I wasn't told to harm them. And even then I was never to rape anyone or touch anyone without their consent - and even if I hadn't been taught that, I wouldn't do that anyway. It's common sense. Isn't it?

Then again, Thirty-One was my education director.

Were some of the older agents taught to just say 'fuck it' and do whatever?

Have any of our prisoners been raped or molested by Eden agents?

Now that I've been promoted to a higher position, maybe I could persuade Head-Honcho into including that kind of thing into the education courses. We've been thinking of new means of education anyway - which I suppose we'll be testing on Maria's baby once it's born - so why not include that?

But what if they don't listen to me? Most of the time, these agents just go somewhere, do their thing, then disappear forever. If they get arrested for something, they can easily escape. What if they don't think there's a point in teaching agents not to rape when we can get away with pretty much anything?

No, no, the people that run my agency are good people. Head-Honcho already knows I killed that doctor and says that he trusts me judgement. Surely he'd trust my judgement on other things, right? Surely he wouldn't approve of the agents going out into the world and abusing random people, right?

Then I killed that other agent that wanted to kill Maria anyway despite her informing us of her pregnancy.

What would Phil think if he knew that I'd killed two people yesterday?

This is the first thought that enters my head when he approaches me at school the following day.

"You're here! Where were you yesterday?!"

I jumped about nine meters in the air at this, since I was so lost in thought before Phil approached me. I whirl around to face him with wide eyes and my heart pounding wildly. I feel like I've just been caught doing something horribly wrong, even though I'm only gathering things from my locker. My mind is all over the place and I haven't been able to think straight.

Is this life all that I think it is?

What is being the best agent at Eden really worth?

Everything, of course! But...is it?

"Did you not get my messages?" Phil continues.

I blink, coming back to reality, "O-Oh," I stutter, trying to think of an excuse as to why I wasn't here yesterday and why I didn't respond to Phil's messages, "U-Um, s-sorry, I..."

Then, I think of it.

"It was my mum's birthday yesterday, so you know...just didn't feeling like coming or...doing much of anything, really."