Best Friends With Benefits

Chapter Thirty Three

Aiden closed the door behind him and sat onto my bed, I watched him, debating on how to tell him.

"Not exactly" Is the best way I could find to start it.

"Yes or no?" Aiden wasn't angry but I could sense that he wanted to be and was holding it back.

"No" He sighed with relief which caught in his throat when my expression remained nervous. "We almost did, he was just in too much pain so we didn't" I quickly spat the sentence out hoping I wouldn't need to repeat it, Aiden froze again and processed my words.

"So you were going to?" He knew the answer but still searched my eyes for the truth.

"Yes, we weren't together though" I instantly went into defensive mode and had to calm myself to get out of it before I caused an argument, Aiden was managing to stay calm but the fire in his eyes told me otherwise. He understood though, that we weren't together and therefore was should not be a problem.

"Well, we can be together now, if you want to be" A smile crept onto his face and he leant towards me to hold my hand in his which was warm and soft. My heart fluttered, Aiden was actually proposing to be an item? An official item, this was no mistake or misunderstanding.

"I want to take things slow" I almost whispered and his smile dimmed as he forced to keep it planted.

"Slow? In my eyes the other night was far from slow" He was right, what happened with him was not at all 'taking things slow' but I was determined to set things out straight this time and I wanted another opportunity to talk to Gale before I finalised this commitment to Aiden.

"I know but I don't want to rush our relationship" He nodded and stood to fix his collar in the mirror and I watched his smoothly flick his fingers over the material in a over precise manor. I couldn't tell the emotion Aiden was radiating, probably disappointment which was understandable but I was detecting hurt and that was confusing. "What's wrong?" He stopped moving and turned to face me.

"Can I ask you something?" Aiden still kept a hint of a smile but it wasn't in his playful and flirtatious way but more of a pitiful and stiffened way. My butterflies were back and I could hear the doubt in his voice on what he was about to ask.

"By that tone I don't think I want to hear it" My attempt to lighten the mood was successful for several seconds as Aiden's smile appeared to be partly genuine and then it disappeared altogether. I think I liked the fake smile over no smile at all.

"Are you completely over Gale?" The words were like a shock wave to my body and I wasn't sure how to react because my brain was frozen as well as my face. He observed me carefully and I smiled back at him letting out a small laugh.

"Yes" My mouth like sandpaper, my speech was almost painful on its exit and the atmosphere had passed awkward and entered uncomfortable. I looked to the ground to escape a moment of Aiden's gaze and when I raised my eye-line again, he remained, eyes planted on mine as if in attempt to read my thoughts. When I stopped my pathetic laugh, he started almost copying me.

"Are you sure?" There was doubt showing in his voice and my heart was flipped in my chest, I couldn't believe that this decision was so difficult, I was weighing my options on what to say.  I knew the answer, I wasn't over Gale, there was something about him that was new, like a warm summer breeze in the cold, iced land that was my life. "Peyton, you need to decide what you want" Aiden stood and walked towards my door.

"What are you talking about?" I stood to follow him but he stopped and I kept a distance between us.

"I don't know what's going on in your brain, but you either need to get over Gale or leave me alone" The words stung me like bee stings that I couldn't shake off. He didn't turn to leave yet as if he was waiting for my reaction.

"I chose you didn't I?" An anger rumbled inside of me and I fought it down.

"Physically you did, but I think your mind is still with Gale" Could other people read me better than I could read myself? It certainly seemed that way, he was right, I was still half with Gale. But my heart decided on Aiden, I thought you were to trust the heart, I thought it was the guide through life, well it definitely wasn't a very good guide now because all I was getting was a dad signal. My heart said nothing. My mind on the other hand was buzzing with activity that I couldn't shut up. Gale dominated most of my thoughts and as much as I tried to convince myself that this was all nonsense and that I was to live with Aiden forever and ever a part of me denied those thoughts.

Was it possible for a girl to be this confused, could you like two people at once. I knew it wasn't healthy that was for sure. Aiden left and I had no intention to fight to tell him that he was the one I chose because no matter how much I begged and pleaded that I loved him, Gale would be there in the shadows of my dreams.

It was easier to fall asleep then I thought as I woke up the following morning with the days agenda hanging on my mind. Today I was going to talk to Gale and close off what I still felt for him. I gradually got dressed and collected my things before Aiden knocked on my door to collect me, he smiled gently at me as if the previous nights hadn't happened but I could feel the weight of awkwardness around us on the journey. When he pulled into the car lot I made an excuse to disappear into the school building and out of sight hoping I would see Gale, I wanted the clear the confusion in the air that was fogging my thoughts.

As if by magic, Gale was standing on the edge of the corridor waiting, his back was to me so I sped towards him to catch his attention and he turned before I reached him causing me to almost collide with his figure.

"Oh, hey" He stretched out a hand, ready to catch me as I stumbled stepping back.

"Hey, can I talk to you" I looked into his glistening eyes and could see happiness reflected back at me making me smile but I focused myself on the task at hand which I already knew was going to be difficult.

"Yeah of course" We stepped to the side of the hallway to allow the steady flow of human traffic to pass. Even though no-one was particularly interested I still felt our conversation was too exposed to lingering, curious ears. I pulled Gale's wrist and he followed me around the corner to shelter behind a locker.

"I'm sorry" I didn't know what else to say and it was always best to express how I felt first and I felt sorry. Gale smiled down at me but it was the same smile that Aiden gave me when he said 'Can I ask you something?', full of pity. The night beforehand hadn't ended too well and the same emotions were flooding over me again.  I battled them away but the doubt and nervous were twitching in my hands and feet.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, you love someone else" Gale sounded genuine but his body language told me that it was a difficult thing for him to admit.

"I'm sorry if I led you on"

"Stop saying sorry and shit happens" That confirmed what I thought, that I had led him on which only resulted in my heart breaking for him.

"At least we can both move on now" I wanted to leave this conversation knowing that I could move forward and also that he could too, I wanted to know he was alright because my conscience wouldn't let me sleep until then.

"I'll try" I was confused, he would try? He was never that emotionally attached to me was he? I looked up to register the look on his face and he stared back into my eyes. He must have noticed the confusion through my features because all of a sudden he said the one thing that I thought he wouldn't. I thought we had settled our relationship and put it to bed but his next words stirred it up again. My mouth slightly open in shock as he stood as straight as he could, looked through to my soul and said "Peyton, I love you"