Did something utterly horrible ever happen and you'd fall asleep and dream that it didn't happen and that things were okay? Somehow your subconscious convinced your conscious that it didn't happen, so you would wake up the next morning oblivious to reality for a few seconds until your conscious peeks through, reminding you of realism.
I used to wake up in that insensible status a frequent amount of times in one night when Dick's affairs first came to my knowledge. I subconsciously wanted to believe his disloyalty was false even if I consciously was aware that it existed. They were living disloyalty's that sickened me and they were departed disloyalty's that were just a remainder of additional ache that filled my body. That might've been my mind's way of coping with the stress and sadness.
Now, I lied in bed in these few seconds of oblivion. A state that I hadn't lied in, in a year. Oblivion soon washed away when I opened my eyes and was drowned in the actuality of what was happening in life right now. It was just like me to pick up on other people's stress and store it as my own, I tended to do that with other people's sadness as well. I guess, I wanted to help I just didn't know how to.
I wanted to help Ashton, but this situation was beyond my power. I needed to convince him that somehow in some way things would end up okay if he left Sarah for good. I needed to show him that he could trust me and that not everyone would hurt him.
"Hey." I felt a hand on my shoulder shake me. "You awake?"
Yes, but was I ready to turn around and stare reality in the face? The thing with life was that we were in fact never ready for anything. We were always taking chances and manically surviving in a universe that revolved around greater fear. We just hoped for the best.
"Yeah, I'm awake." I yawned, acting as if I hadn't been awake too long. I switched the side I was lying on so I could face Ashton.
"It's noon. I thought I'd wake you up and say a proper goodbye."
The bruising around his eye had darkened in color overnight. His nose looked equally as bad, but I was grateful it wasn't bleeding anymore. But both sights caused my heart to drop like I was seeing them for the first time.
"In a rush to leave me?" I joked in a hushed tone.
"I'd like to stay but I'm sure the guys are worried." He said. "I turned my phone off on the way here."
I watched as he began shuffling out of bed. I didn't want him to leave. I'd feel guilty if I let him go that easily. All the what ifs crossed my mind. What if he crossed paths with Sarah? What if she calls him again? What if she asks him to go over again? What if? What if? What if? I couldn't let anything bad happen to him, it would be my fault. Why did I feel the urge to protect someone I barely knew? I was never like this with anyone. Normally, I wouldn't budge, but Ashton was different.
"Can you stay?" I lifted my torso from the bed, holding myself up against the pillows. "I can't let you leave and pretend that everything is okay."
"It's not a big deal." He stood alongside the bed, looking down at his phone as he turned it back on. "I can just tell the guys I ended up going out after leaving Sarah's and I got my ass handed to me."
How were Luke, Calum, and Michael so blind to what was going on with Ashton? I knew Luke said Ashton was going through some things, that he was lonely, but it didn't seem like Luke was leading me on to think this was the actual issue. Was Ashton just that good at hiding this from everyone? Was he that scared?
"No." I blurted out before I had given myself a chance to put together my next words. Should I offer to make him a meal before he left? He looked like he survived off fast food and hadn't had a home cooked meal in a good while. Should I ask him to stay another night? What was the smartest choice for me to make?
