If Ashton wasn't in the room, I would sit here and sulk. For sure, I'd be crying. But the dramatics in my body made me feel like I was going to start hyperventilating and thinking about every possible pro and con about what just happened and what was going to happen when I left. We wouldn't be in this setting if I had chosen a better time to break the news to my parents. I loved convincing myself that everything was my fault. Not to play the victim, but because I truly felt at fault for everything. Ever.
There were different ways I could have gone about the situation, but I settled for letting the news out without a second thought. I couldn't hesitate these kinds of things anymore. If I was still the same fucked up Talia, I would have lost sleep over how I was going to let my family know I was leaving. I wasn't her anymore. I hoped.
There was only silence in my room. Ashton pulled me to the middle of my bed and sat in front of me. He held my hands and patiently waited for me to say anything. Either of his thumbs rubbed the backs of my hands, sometimes he drew shapes, sometimes he spelt his name out, sometimes he counted. All ways to take my mind off being upset about something. It worked most times.
"I'm sorry." We said at the same time.
"You don't have to apologize to me." Ashton assured. "You did nothing wrong in my eyes."
"I could've reacted better."
"Heat of the moment. What can you do, ya know?"
I nodded slowly.
"I'm sure your dad is just worried about you being away from him. You've been with him this long, he probably never expected you to leave." He was right. "I worry too. I'm not gonna lie. What if you go off and fall in love with some New York City douche and forget about me? Frankly, I don't think I could look as good in Timbs as one of them."
"You mean the world to me, there's not a soul in New York City that could replace you. Trust me." I couldn't begin to imagine a world without Ashton. I was too invested. "All I want is right in front of me."
Ashton's lips pressed against my jawline. I closed my eyes taking in the still foreign feelings of his lips. I couldn't get used to his touch. "You're so beautiful. I promise there isn't a girl in this world that could replace you."
-
To keep me stress free and sane, Ashton took me out to the 5SOS house. He knew I hated LA, but he swore being away from my house for a night would help me get rid of some tension between my dad and me. Ashton just wanted me to breathe.
I sported one of Ashton sweatshirts, thankful it still managed to be oversized on me and threw on a pair of leggings. I was ready to relax. A few movies, maybe a head massage, and I would be in better shape.
I made myself at home or at least tried my best to do so in a house full of men. In the kitchen I was caught off guard by Luke's presence. He wore a flannel and black skinny jeans. He didn't look comfortable for eleven o'clock at night.
"Been awhile, Kozma." He raised a water bottle in my direction as I prepared myself some tea while Ashton was in the shower.
The quick glimpse I caught of Luke made me sad. He looked so tired, so beat down, and scruffy. He looked like he needed a relaxing night in more than I did. But I wasn't in a position with him to offer him an invitation to a lowkey night. Really, I felt like I was looking at stranger more and more every time I saw him in between intervals.
"Sure has."
Luke reduced the heat on the kettle. Kind of heartwarming he could find it in his dead soul to look out for me still. "Have you been alright?"
"Doing okay. Can't complain." I leaned against the counter, scrolling through a few memes Xander had texted me. I always liked to act busy enough, so people would leave me alone, but it was Luke. I couldn't be that rude to him. I was already being short, he deserved better from me. "How are you?"
"I'm good, just about to hang with Arina."
"That's cute."
I heard Luke make a sound, I couldn't determine if it was a scoff or light chuckle. I brushed it off. I didn't want to know what it was like to fight with the brand new and less improved Luke Hemmings. I didn't want hear anything else about Arina. I hated to be one to judge, but she was no good. We all knew. We were all just waiting for Luke to figure it out on his own.
"You and Ashton okay?"
"Yes, thank you for asking." I locked my phone when I noticed Calum had entered the kitchen. Hopefully Calum would save me from Luke. Calum was reliable in that sense. He always knew when someone was uncomfortable and when they needed to be saved.
"How are your parents? I'm sorry I haven't gone to see them recently. You know how things can be."
"They're good." I switched stove off as the kettle began to whistle. "Your mom also asked to take back the Spaghetti pan. She also wanted me to tell you to stop microwaving eggs, it's not good for you."
I think I had seen Luke's parents more in the last few days than he had in months. It almost felt embarrassing.
"I'll see what I can do for her." Luke's phone rang with a notification. He quickly looked at it and locked it before shoving it in his pocket of his jeans. "I'll see you later."
"See ya, Hemmings." I waved him off.
Michael entered the kitchen now. Him and Calum both grabbed cups to make their own tea. Luckily, there would be enough for everyone since I always over made anyway.
"Find me a girlfriend, Talia." Michael filled his tea with sugar. When I thought he had poured enough, he kept going.
"Um, maybe you can date Calum?" I offered, stirring my mixture together.
"Calum isn't my type."
"What's so bad about me, Mikey?" Calum pouted.
Michael groaned. "Here we go."
Ashton was in the kitchen now. His hair still dripping from the shower he just had and a white towel wrapped around his hips. I knew how Michael could be mischievous, I knew he was dying to rip the towel off Ashton just to make him mad. I wouldn't complain.
"If you guys don't mind, I'd like alone time with my girlfriend." Ashton grabbed my hand, quickly leading me to his room and locking the door. He always locked the door even if he trusted his friends with what they would see. He just didn't want them to see anything and leave me embarrassed. None of them knew how to knock in the house.
"Did you wanna take a nap?"
"Nah, I was just thinking about how fucking hot you look and all the things I could do to you."
