You know that feeling of excitement, yet nervousness when you were about to start something new and big in your life? The feeling that made you think you could do anything, but also made you believe you weren't exactly ready, but the positive canceled out the negative every time? That was how I felt as I listened to Ashton's snores hum in my ear abroad a red-eye flight to New York City. We invited Xander and Sofia along on the trip because Sofia was rather familiar with the city and wanted me to be in the perfect space to call home. I didn't feel bad for not inviting Ana and Jack, I felt kind of badass not inviting them. I had nothing against Jack though. Full offense to Ana since there was still a great amount of tension when it came to Xander and Talia versus Ana.
Xander made a few complaints about Ashton's snoring, which I brushed off. I typically passed out hard when Ashton and I spent the night with each other. His snoring was one of those things where I typically found it annoying, but I didn't mind it since I was fond of him. I put aside the flaw and lived with it.
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"This one is about a twelve-minute walk to the Art Institute. Is that manageable?" John, the realtor, had his hands shoved in the pockets of his slacks as we walked to the next property. He walked a little too close to me for my liking. No matter how much I would shove my own body into Ashton's side the guy couldn't get the hint. Not even the hand-holding was giving him the hint.
"That's doable." I nodded, looking ahead. "Better than twenty-five minutes."
It was a decent spring day. Not too hot, not too cold. Just decent enough for me to keep a positive outlook on things.
"What does this one provide?" Ashton's grip on my hand tightened, subconsciously pulling me closer to him if it was even possible at this point. He had been super clingy, like a jealous boyfriend. I didn't mind, somehow, I loved it.
"Two bedrooms, two baths. Washer/dryer provided, two hundred linear feet of bookshelves, refrigerator provided as well as a dish washer. Six burner stove top..." John listed these things off the top of his head like he had every square inch of the property memorized. I had watched plenty of realtor shows to know he was likely struggling to sell this unit that was why he was so well-acquainted with it.
"Lovely."
"You guys moving in together?" John had once again eased his way closer to me. It was beginning to make me more uncomfortable. I wanted to cancel the appointment and call a different agency. This was way too weird for me.
"Ashton Irwin." Ashton scoffed. He wasn't one to throw his name around, but in a moment like this, John should've known who he was and what him and I were. Mostly everyone knew at this point. And Ashton hated to be spoken about as if he wasn't present.
"Right, Ashton, are you moving in as well?" We stopped in front of a building before John began leading us through to the designated apartment.
"Not exactly."
I might have gone crazy when I noticed John's face lighting up. We entered apartment 2R. My first impression of the place was it was spacious, maybe too spacious for only me. I could quickly find myself getting lonely and looking up flights back home.
"You're met with the high ceilings of the living room and plain white walls. To your right you can see the bookcase I spoke of." I would have to buy a bunch of books to fill that bookcase. Likely, nothing I would ever read too. "Follow me to your left...this is the kitchen."
The overall theme of the place so far was white and almost futuristic. Though, the kitchen walls and counter tops were a charcoal gray. The whole space felt clean.
Thirty minutes later, Ashton was asking for full privacy in the apartment and John granted it. "What do you think?" Ashton stepped towards me, rubbing his hands up and down my arms. We stood in the empty living room, his quiet voice almost echoing throughout because of the lack of furniture.
"I like it..."
"But?"
"You and Xander always think there's a but coming." I rolled my eyes.
"Because there usually is."
"but I don't want to be so far away from you..." I sighed. During the plane ride I was beginning to think about canceling school and New York all together, and just join the guys on tour. It wouldn't hurt to travel, but it would hurt to not do something useful with myself.
"You can always back out." He pestered. "I'm not encouraging it though."
I chuckled at his comment. We both knew it was farfetched.
"Can you see yourself moving in here?"
"Sort of, yeah." I walked into the kitchen, sliding my fingers against the counter top, trying to imagine myself cooking for one in the lonely accommodation. It would be an adjustment, but I think I could get used to it.
"So, you're on the prowl, wondering whether she left already or not..."
I looked over to Ashton, who stood in the living room with his phone in hand, playing that song. Our song. "Come here, I want to try something." He placed his phone on the table beside him.
I took guarded steps to Ashton, squealing as he took my hand and spun me around. He pulled me to his chest, and we began swaying in ease.
"What are you doing?" A breathy laugh escaped me.
"If you can't see yourself doing this with me when I visit you here, then I think this place isn't worth buying."
I could see myself doing this with Ashton at any place for the rest of my life at any time. We could both have two hip replacements and I'd still be willing to dance with him like this. Dancing with him in seclusion always brought back all the confusing yet frivolous feelings I had on December 31, 2013. As we danced to this song, I wanted to fight the feelings I had, but I accepted them that night because I loved them. It was in this moment that I really began to have the thought of being in love with him. It had crossed my mind plenty of times over the course of the last two months. But now I felt it stronger than before. I couldn't ignore it.
"What are you thinking about?" He shook out his hair. I loved when he did that. Such a simple act made my heart patter aggressively.
"Nothing."
"You know you're a terrible liar." He teased. "When you're thinking you look off into space and get this distant look on your face, making it impossible to read you."
"Just making a decision on this place."
"I think you should take it." Ashton whispered, his lips inches away from my own.
"Yeah?" Our lips brushed.
"So, have we made a decision?" John entered, clapping his hands together.
