White is for Virgins

Chapter 34

My cheeks hurt from the overwhelming amount of smiling I had been doing the past week. Despite the rumors going around that Fox and I had "done the dirty" in every possible way in every crevice of every hallway at school and he had taken it upon himself to ask me to prom, I could not, for the life of me, stop smiling.

For once, I didn't really care about the fact that people were talking about me. All I could focus on was how happy I was with Fox in my life. No more holding back. We'd still banter and have our little teasing arguments for the sake of opposing one another's opinion, which I loved. We'd still study and make sure we didn't let "Senioritis" stop us from graduating. But the hormones were building up. I sensed it every time we kissed. The urge to just keep going and the need to never stop was consuming me. It freaked me out.

You have to play at least a little hard to get, Emery! Lily's scolding advice from earlier at lunch was stuck in my head as I walked around the RCC building and headed for the back entrance. It was a warm Friday afternoon and I was on the edge – anxious to see Fox. When I entered the building, I was surprised to find I was the first to arrive. I stopped by Nina's office to see how she was. She'd really blown up in the last few weeks and she seemed about ready to pop from both a mental and physical standpoint.

"Hey Nina," I smiled, leaning on the doorframe of her office entrance. She looked up from her computer and smiled back, returning my greeting.

"How are you?"

"Same as yesterday," she chuckled, returning to her typing. This was her usual response when I asked how she was doing. It really shut down my small talk efforts. Indirectly, she was saying she felt like shit. I was sure a huge part of her was excited for the baby, though; excited to see him and hold him, and have him off her bladder, for sure.

"Do you ever think about him?" I asked her, as if it was a part of our regular everyday conversation. By 'him' I assumed she knew who I meant. There weren't that many 'him's available for reference. She was under the impression that I still didn't know Carlos was the father.

"Emery we already had this dis–" she started.

"I know, I know, Nina. But seriously, all 'I pushed him away's and 'he's better off's aside, do you or do you not ever think about him? About picking up the phone and telling him he's going to be a father?" I rushed. She looked like a dear caught in headlights for the longest time.

"Just about every day," she admitted, nodding sheepishly and looking down at her stomach. She was subconsciously rubbing her belly as she continued. "Every time I feel this little guy kick; every time I hear a Spanish beat; every time I close my eyes at night I'm reminded of how alone I am and how much I wish I wasn't. Is that the answer you were hoping for?" I saw she was nearing tears, but was successfully holding back and taking deep breaths.

"No," I shook my head, "I wasn't aiming for a perfect answer; I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I just wanted to hear the truth from you, because you're my friend and I want you to be able to talk to me. You keep all of this bottled up inside you for no reason – it's okay to talk to me about it. I may not be your age and I'm not pregnant myself, but I'm not incapable of understanding at least a little bit of where you're coming from. I just hate that you feel like you have to put up some kind of front with everyone. You don't have to prove that you're perfectly fine on your own. In fact it'd be weird if you were completely okay."

"Emery," Nina chuckled, standing up and waddling over to hug me real quick. "You should study psychology in college," she suggested, "because I have a feeling I'm going to need a therapist like you in the future."

"Why do I have such negative friends?" I wondered out loud. We both laughed and I placed my hands on her shoulders. She placed hers on mine as well.