Stage Lights || H.S.

the unexpected

"Hold the wand this way and just pretend you're going to apply it." Ryan held the phone camera in my direction. I could tell he was almost giving up on me. We had tried so many times to get the simple shot but according to him 'my resting bitch face wasn't helping'. 

"This is impossible." Renee waved her arms in the air. 

"I don't understand what is the problem." 

"The problem is that people are not going to like you if you don't stop looking like you want to end your life." 

"I don't care if they don't like me." 

"Good for you then since right now the whole entire world hates you because of Styles." 

I huffed, opening my mouth to shoot something back at her, but Ryan was quick to interrupt the mother-daughter fight. "Okay, Luna. Let's do this one last time." 

We stayed at the studio after the shoot. Everyone was getting things done and I stood by the window remaking the clip that had to be posted on Instagram to promote the video that was going up on Vogue's website. I had to pretend to apply mascara and blow a kiss to the camera. Seemed simple, it wasn't quite. But I did it. After about seven tries. 

"Clarissa! We got it!" Ryan smiled to the phone on his hands and walked away. 

I let go of my breath, screwing the mascara back together and putting it down on the makeup bag. We spent all afternoon filming my makeup tips, even though I hadn't heard about half of them before I read the script. Glossier products, Better Than Sex mascara, eyebrow tint... I didn't know how to properly use them, but I pretended I did and I guess it worked. 

"What's wrong, honey?" Renee asked. "You seem a little out of it." 

"Just a little overwhelmed, that's all."

"With work?" 

No. With feelings, I wanted to say but instead I just shrugged. I never opened up to Renee and it wasn't now that I was going to start to. 

Things weren't moving fast with Harry. They were moving actually the slowest I've ever experienced and I didn't hate it, but I just couldn't stop thinking about it. He was the only guy I had ever let take me out on a date and call it a date. He was the only guy that has met my parents, even if he didn't know them before we met I wouldn't mind them meeting, because he was nice and charming, unlike every guy I had ever slept with. He was the only guy that had ever been to Amy and I's apartment, that had slept in my own bed, that had seen my childhood room. He was the only guy I had ever admitted having feelings for. 

And that's all there was in my mind. Playing over and over again. 

"Did you cancel the shoot for next week?" 

"I rescheduled it." I nodded. "Where exactly are you going again?" She asked knowing I hadn't told her in the first place. Renee and I haven't argued in weeks and she surely felt like there was a little bit of connection going on. 

There wasn't. 

"None of your business." 

"Of course it's my business. You're my daughter." 

"For twenty one years of my life you didn't treat me like it. How is it that suddenly I'm your daughter? Is it because I'm finally doing the things you want me to do?"

And then she did something I never, in a billion years, would've thought she would do. Renee Davis did the unexpected and wrapped her arms around me, pulling me close and knocking the wind out of my lungs. I wasn't definitely not expecting that. She rested her chin on my shoulder and rubbed my back for a few seconds. She smelled like expensive perfume and at that moment I realized that I wasn't familiar with my own mother's scent. 

"Please don't do this again." She said. "Don't leave again, Luna." Renee's hand took a grip of my arm, pulling me away but still keeping me close. Her eyes, muted green the same color as mine, traveled around my face staring at me hollowed, sad. 

"I'm--" I felt at loss of words. Her waves of emotion caught me off guard. 

"You don't understand how worried I get when you're gone. How I just with you'd--"

"Mom." I said making her stop on her tracks. "I'm coming back. I'm just--" I took a deep breath and a step away. I asked myself if I should tell her. I didn't want to for the simple fact that it hurt my pride and I didn't need to give her any explanation. But for some reason, seeing her worried eyes got to me. "I'm going to Europe with Harry for a couple of days."

"What?" 

"Harry asked if I wanted to go to England with him before he starts his tour in Paris. I--" 

"Harry?" I nodded. "Good. I mean..." She sighed. "Good." 

"I've only been in London with Will for such a short period of time and Harry said it's so lovely so I-" She was serious and now I didn't know if telling her was the brightest idea. "Renee, please say something."

"You have no idea how much this comforts me, Luna." She chuckled, making me chuckle as well. Both of us falling at ease, as if heavy weights were lifted off our shoulders. "You and Harry-- I'm-- It lets me sleep at night." 

I smiled at her. A genuine smile because Harry comforted me as well, and every night I went to sleep with the thought of him on my mind. Him kissing me, him calling me beautiful, his hands touching me. And just like that, without showing any more affection, Renee ran her fingers through her button-up blouse and walked away. 

I pulled my phone from my bag, for the first time getting away and being alone. I smiled at the text from Harry. I miss your lips, it said. I hurried to reply. I miss your eyes. I was going to exit out when the bubbles appeared showing that he was typing. I miss your face. I typed back quickly, I miss you. And the answer was shot back in a few seconds. I miss you too. Luckily me I'll have you to myself soon yeah? I shook my head and exited out. 

I couldn't hide the smile that formed on my lips. This feeling building up in the pit of my stomach. Harry wasn't even there, I couldn't even see, smell or touch him, and he still had so much power over me. The power of making my finger tips tingly with the thought of his lips on mine, my heart racing with the excitement of knowing it was going to be him and I.

I opened Instagram to find that Ryan had posted the video on my account. Head over to @voguemagazine tomorrow for a full video of my everyday makeup! #VogueModel

And when I scroll down to find something I was not expecting yet again. The comments went on and on, the more I scrolled the more came up. They cursed me out, they talked and asked about Harry, they were in languages I didn't understand at all. 

I started to freak out.