"Well...Well...If it isn't the wh*re of Western Village" I'm greeted by Roy who's enters the elevator with a girl.
"I think you mean 'Harlot of Revelation" I correct him.
The girl snakes his arm around Roy possessively "What's that?" She asks me.
"B...
It feels like I'm on the dark side of the moon. It hurts when I try to move or open my eyes. I groan as my head throbs, with great measures I try to move my arm with my eyes half open. Everything is so bright and loud I make an attempt to tell whoever is whispering loudly to shut up and turn the lights off.
"Don't..." I try to say but can't quite make who 'they' are. Are they servants? Cleaning staff? Am I in a hotel? How did I get here? I finally decide that I need to break my slumber and opened my eyes. The first thing I notice is a drip machine, I shot a look at my arm where the tube in going in. I look further and there's a defibrillator, a chart hanging next to it, a long couch in which a woman who look in her late 40's is sitting looking at me her eyes filled with shock and tears.
"David...Come quick. She's awake." She yells. I turn to look at the entrance door of the room and rushes in a man wearing plaid suit.
"Nurse...We need a nurse in here right now." He yells and disappears in the hallway. I turn my attention back to the woman who is now standing very close to me. "Oh baby, we thought we lost you forever." She sniffed. ' Who the fuck she thinks she is talking to?' I thought as I tried to tell her off. A sting my head causes me to hiss in pain, she backs away from me scared and again yells for David. A second later comes in a nurse and two men wearing white coats followed by David. I still haven't got the hold of myself properly, he signals the nurse to help me sit properly as I try to hoist myself against the pillow.
"Take it slow my dear." She smiles at me. The doctor takes out a lean torch and points it at my eyes back and forth. "I'm going to ask you some basic questions, which I need you to answer. Is that okay?" He doesn't wait for my response.
"How are you feeling? Are you in pain?" He asks listening to my heartbeat.
No response.
"Do you know what the date today is?" He asks looking at the fellow doctor.
No response.
"Do you remember how you got hurt and ended up here in the hospital?"
No response.
"What is your name?"
This time I look up, everyone is looking back at me intently. The woman clutches David's arm tightly and looks at me expectantly.
No response.
The other doctor murmurs something to the nurse as she takes off. I'm spellbound, the pain in my body is now radiating through my eyes.
I try to come up with something to say...something to ask. My name, why can't I remember my name? Why can't I remember myself?
"I don't understand." I whisper.
"What's going on? What fuck is going on?" I try to reach for the doctor's collar but I'm betrayed by my own body.
"Where the fuck am I, What happened to me, why can't I remember anything? What did you do to me?" I rasped.
"Calm down, I will explain everything. But right now you need to rest." He said in an easy tone. I took in a shaky breath.
"But I don't know what's going on." I mumbled.
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"Listen to me, you are safe here. You are going to get better. I understand that you are confused and sacred and have a lot of questions and I will answer them all. But for that to happen, you need to heal physically." He said holding my limp hand in his. I nodded and looked at the woman who was now crying hysterically.
"Can you take her the fuck out of here? She's giving me a headache." I said and looking away. The doctor motioned them to come with him and silently left the room. A million things run through my mind and I don't know which one to tend to first. I must remember something, none of this feels real. Maybe it's just a nightmare, but my sore body and unbearable headache tells me that this just might be real.
I slowly raise my hand and dangle it in front of my face, a single tear escaping from the corner of my eyes. My name, I thought, I have to start with my name. I have to remember it. But what I felt like was that I need to remember the name of the girl whose body I was living in. It felt foreign, like it didn't belong to me.
"Gina...Jasmine...Sophia..." I wondered out loud. I try to play a memory, as irrelevant as it may be but I came up blank. And then it struck me, I don't even know what this girl's face looks like? I am calm, pretty calm for someone who can't remember anything. Have I always been like this? I thought.
Just as I touch my face gently trying to make out the structure of the foreign face the nurse walks in. She takes out the needle attached to with ease, showing years of practice and skill.
"You eat your food now, no need to feed it through the tube." She says.
"I need something." I say.
"A mirror, I need to see my face." I said.
She nods and walks out. I focus my eyes on the food, a bowl of jello shots. The nurse soon comes in and hands me the mirror. I'm almost scared to turn it around and look, what if I don't remember myself even when I look in the mirror. The thought alone made me shiver, I can't do it. I look at the nurse who looks back at me assuring that it's all right. Slowly I turn it around and I try to feel something...anything. I stare back at the hazel eyes, and they look completely hollow. My brunette hair sticks out in every direction letting me know that I haven't left the bed in days...maybe weeks. My skin is pale and there are traces of faint scratches and stitches in my forehead. There's a huge bandage covering the back side of my face, pain oozing out of the wound.
"Did I get into a fight with someone?" I asked the nurse.
"What happened to me?"
" I don't re... recognize any of this, my voice, my eyes, my body." I stutter.
She gives me kind look "I'm sorry dear, I'm not at liberty to discuss any of that with you. Doctor Hunziker will not only explain you everything but also will help you recover." I sit back slowly eating the jello shots. She said they will give me jello shots for a day or two until my system gets accustomed to digesting on its own...whatever that means.
My every attempt to know anything about myself seems to be in vain. My mind is completely black, even if I don't remember people, names, voices I should at least be able to remember something about myself.
"Give it some time my dear. The memories will come back. You went through quite a physical trauma as you can see; your brain is just trying to protect you by blocking your memories temporarily." She said looking at my confused face. She handed me a cup filled with pills and gave me an injection, which I did not resist.
As I lied down, she caressed my face whispering "Just remember he is within you." I felt as if a static went through my body.
Gingerly touching her hand I asked
"What did you just say?"
"I said, remember it is within you. Your memories...It's not gone, just temporarily blocked. Everything will soon make sense. Rest now my dear. And press that red button of you need anything." My body relaxed, the drugs finally kicking in.
"At least tell me my name." I pleaded.
"Jade...Your name is Jade, such a pretty name." She said.
"Jade...tha...that doesn't sense. Jade." I chanted.
"That's your name dear, why won't it make sense?" She asked.
"Because it sounds incomplete." I said almost instantaneously as if it was a reflex. 'Jade' I said again, it doesn't sound right. Something is missing, I don't know what or I don't know why. "Jade" I whisper again.
It sounds undone; I close my eyes as the fragment of a memory passes along. My hands, I kind of remember my hands, covered in something black. It couldn't have been more fucked up; I'm in a hospital, I don't remember how I got here or how long it has been.
The sound of my own name triggers something in me, but it's not for me. There has to be more, more than just Jade...There has to be a "Jasper..." I mutter softly before I close my eyes.
