“Hand in mine, into your icy blues
And then I’d say to you we could take to the highway
With this trunk of ammunition too
I’d end my days with you… In a hail of bullets.”
Gerard sang into the microphone.
I nearly bursted with excitement. They’d done it. They’d really done it.
We were in the studio now recording their first album, and I had a front row seat.
This was a song Gerard wrote called Demolition Lovers. It was dark, alike the rest of the songs on the album. But this one, there was something about it that made me dreadfully sad.
I stared at him, his now long black hair framing his face.
“I’m trying… I’m trying.” He looked directly at me, his eyes piercing through mine.
“To let you know just how much you mean to me
And after all the things we put each other through and
I would drive on to the end with you…
A liquor store or two…keeps a gas tank full and I feel like there’s nothing left to do..”
The whole room drowned out. I could feel him pouring his emotions into mine, shoving them down my throat. Hitting me in the gut.
“But prove myself to you and we’ll keep it running…”
I got up and stormed out of the room, I needed air.
I heard them stop playing, signaling that someone was probably coming after me. It had begun to rain but I didn’t care, I had to keep running.
“I would drive on to the end with you…” The words were haunting me, bouncing back and forth in my head.
Why was I running? Where was I going? What was I feeling?
I halted, nearly skidding onto the floor.
“I have no reason to run.” I said barely above a whisper.
It wasn’t my fault if I couldn’t return Gerard’s feelings.
None of it was my fault.
But why did I feel like it was?
“Lana,” I felt a hand on my shoulder.
I turned around abruptly, meeting Frank eye to eye.
“What’s wrong?” He furrowed his eyebrows.
“I, um-..” I fidgeted nervously.
“Come inside love, it’s raining.” He took his jacket off and pulled it over my head.
“Thank you.” I said softly.
“Anything you wanna talk about?” He frowned.
“No.”
-
Frank and I were in our bedroom, we had just finished making love and I was tucked underneath his arm.
“Do you realize we’ve been married for almost 2 months?” I smiled.
“That’s really not that long, Lana.” He chuckled, kissing my head.
“But… It feels like just yesterday we tied the knot.” I laughed.
“I know.” He replied.
