I lay there wide awake, listening to Jared's steady, soft breathing and realizing that I wasn't going to be able to sleep at all. He was out cold after fucking out of me, any anger that remained between us. It made my body relax, of course, but my mind was what refused to allow me to sleep.
Jared said that he wanted me, so, now all I had to do is forget about Shannon. I mean, I couldn't possibly agree with what they were asking, and it's not like I had anything to hide anymore, Jared knew everything and was fine with it. Things had just spiraled so far out of control and I totally blamed myself for allowing it to go on.
Letting out a frustrated breath, I squeezed my eyes shut and rolled onto my back, trying to talk myself out of doing something stupid. I gazed up at the ceiling and felt a tear slide from my eye. Just the thought of walking away from Jared crushed me. I'd already developed such strong feelings for him, again. I'd just have to stay the hell away from Shannon at all cost. But who was I kidding? There was no way I could just forget about him after what occurred at his house.
Sitting up, I swung my legs over the side of the bed. I could feel my heart beating like mad and my palms growing sweaty. I had to get away and go somewhere to clear my head. There was just way too many emotions happening all at once. Standing up, I straightened my clothes and slipped my feet into my shoes that lay on the floor.
I walked down the stairs and found my purse laying on the counter top. Funny, I was so angry when I arrived and now my brain was all fuzzy because of what happened. Part of me felt bad about leaving in the middle of the night without a word, but why should I? Neither of them took my feelings into consideration when they propositioned me. I could still feel a slight tinge of annoyance with Jared for his part in this twisted game they were playing.
I drove home and kept myself busy on the laptop until I eventually fell asleep lying on the couch. The remainder of my week was spent sending both of their calls to voicemail and deleting all texts. I needed time to myself to decide what it was that I genuinely wanted.
Life sucks when you need a break and have to work for a living. All I wanted to do was disappear for a week or two. My mind drifted to my uncle Dan's cabin in Lake Tahoe. I could remember going there with my parents when I was a little kid. Days spent at the beach, and evenings out on the back deck with dad barbecuing.
That was so long ago, and I wasn't as close to my parents these days. They hated LA and I was glad for it. All they really cared about was my sister, Kim. She and her doctor husband lived in Portland with their teenage daughter Lola.
Kim had always been a materialistic person, but once she and Steve married, she was on this quest to have the perfect everything. Her home is immaculate and she's one of those people who has to be involved in every aspect of her daughter's life. Poor Lola, she must have no social life with Kim hovering over her twenty-four seven. My eyes began to tear up just thinking of all that happened in the last sixteen years of my life.
I could only imagine what Kim and Steve think of me. Poor little Carrie, the workaholic, who couldn't seem to hold onto a man. I'll admit, I didn't have the best track record, but so the fuck what. That didn't mean that I'd end up alone. Giggling to myself, I rolled over on my bed. If they only knew that I had two very sexy men who wanted me.
I ended up spending a few days working a job in Pasadena. It kept me busy during the day, but I found myself lying in bed at night, thinking about both Jared and Shannon. The more I tried to forget the whole conversation that took place at Jared's, the more I found myself entertaining the idea. God, I felt like I was caught in the middle of two opposing needs, the need to be in love, and the need to listen to that little voice inside of me, saying this whole thing was wrong.
It was Jared and Shannon's idea to have a three way union, but what about disloyalty? Jealousy? Those things seem to go hand in hand, and they'd have to surface at some point. These kinds of relationships can never work out for all three involved, someone would get hurt.
Things always seemed clearer just before I fell asleep, like I'd finally made a decision, but when morning comes, I find that I'm more conflicted than ever.
