that boy | hwang hyunjin | ✔

Chapter 19

It's been a couple of hours since we entered the zoo. We've been at almost every habitat there's to visit, only a few left before we've seen them all. But before we're going to visit them, we're taking a little break at the zoo its main restaurant. All three of us were hungry for a little while and our little kid Felix couldn't stop whining about food so I practically dragged him here, simply to shut him up.

And maybe because I was a little hungry myself, too.

The restaurant is well-decorated. Since it's located in the safari zone of the park, the interior of the building was completely made in safari style as well, with zebra and giraffe prints on the chairs and paintings on the walls that make it look like you're really on the African grasslands.

Ignoring the welcoming warmth inside of the restaurant, we decided to sit outside to catch the last rays of the sun. It's a bit chilly on the restaurant's terrace and to be honest, it's not really comfortable but I understand why the boys chose to sit outside, better enjoy the sun while it's still shining.

Both the boys are happily chewing away on an XL hamburger and I patiently wait for them to finish. I ordered a smaller burger and I finished earlier, I don't have much room there to put such a large burger away within a few minutes. It still amazes me how boys always manage to eat that much in such a short time.

I zip up my coat a little more, digging my chin in the collar as I wait. Walking through the park is fine, sitting and doing nothing is one way to allow yourself to let the cold temperature get a grip on you. Sighing, I close my eyes for a moment. Walking around the entire day is tiring, to say the least. My legs hurt and my feet are sore. On top of that, I wouldn't be surprised if I'd find some blisters on my feet when I get home.

With my eyes still closed, I listen to the chatter coming from the boys. Insignificant subjects come across, such as science homework due for Friday, which is six days away and shouldn't be worried about yet. But then the sound of a chair scraping over the pavement startles me and I look up to see Felix letting out a massive -and shameless- yawn while stretching his limbs.

"I'm going to the restroom," he states, collecting our plates before he takes off. "Please don't kill each other, it would be a giant mess and I hate cleaning." Then he turns around on his heels, dangerously balancing the plates as he laughs at his own joke.

And then I'm alone with Hyunjin.

I didn't expect it to be awkward, but it is. Immediately after Felix left, the silence seems so obvious and we're both left with the urge to say something. But we both have no idea what. So we just look around aimlessly, observing the many people out here or eyeing the habitats that are within sight.

I'm confused. I should just sit back in my chair at this point, take out my phone and ignore Hyunjin's presence, not caring about him at all. That's what I'm supposed to do and instead, I'm here worrying about the silence between us. A silence I should be happy with.

So I start pretending. I lean back in my chair, crossing my legs as I take my phone from the pocket of my jeans. Paying Hyunjin no mind, I start scrolling through the pictures I took during the day. Many pictures of animals of all species and even more pictures of Felix doing weird things. But my focus doesn't leave Hyunjin, not even once. I can see him fidgeting with his fingers from my peripheral vision and the small movements are making me restless and nervous.

Slowly but surely, I try to let the thick silence glide off of me. But before I'm even close to succeeding, the raven-haired boy in front of me decides to speak up.

"Today is actually really fun," he starts a bit reluctant, unsure of his words.

I lightly tilt my head as I look at him, not knowing what he has in mind and where he wants to go with this conversation. He flinches a bit under my awaiting gaze but continues nevertheless.

"Uh, what I wanted to say is," Hyunjin momentarily closes his eyes shut tightly and as he speaks up again, he sounds much more confident.

"After today, I don't think you're a bad person. You probably have your reasons and I'm sure you're not really like that." The boy gives me a friendly smile, his eyes turning into crescents. "I think you're actually a nice person and-"

My heart is pounding as I keep my gaze fixated on the boy in front of me. A feeling boils up in the depths of my stomach, causing heat to rush to my face. Anger, I realize a moment later. I feel anger as I look at him, as I listen to his words. It's a feeling that takes over everything; your breathing, the blood running through your veins, your mind.

Anger is preparing your body to lash out.

I narrow my eyes at Hyunjin, who quickly swallows his words and lets the smile disappear from his face.

"Listen, Hwang," I spit. "You don't know me and you never will. Don't act like you do, don't get ahead of yourself, kid."

The boy gasps, his eyes widening. Then he gulps nervously, regret written on his face as he blinks a few times.

I should stop. Right here.

"We aren't friends and we'll never be," I continue, my tone harsh and cold. "Leave me alone, I don't want you near."

I'm trying to keep my voice down, hoping not to grab everyone's attention. But several people at surrounding tables are already looking at us, their expressions going from surprised to worried to amused. And I already feel myself losing control.

"Go and bother someone else, Hwang. There are enough girls that want you. I clearly don't."

I roughly push my chair backwards and stand up, causing it to fall over and grabbing the attention of everyone present at the terrace. But I don't care. I just stare at Hyunjin and he stares back.

His teeth are gritted together as he gives me a pained look. His eyes are glossy and tears well up in the inner corners, threatening to escape any moment.

He's crying.

Fuck, I made him cry.

I went too far.

Being the coward that I am, I turn around and run. Away from Hyunjin, the boy who I caused to cry. Away from the terrace, the people, the zoo. Away from my best friend, who probably hates me now.

Tears build up in my eyes as well but I refuse to let them go. I won't allow myself to cry.

His smile, Chaelin. The way he smiled at you when he told you that he believed you were a nice person deep inside.

A single tear escapes and soon, my tears are flowing freely, running down my cheeks leaving behind wet and sticky trails. People cast weird looks as I run towards the exit but I don't care. I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket but I don't care. I don't care about anything at this point, not even about all the people I bump into on my way home.

The city goes by in a blur, a mix of tears and a sudden dizziness that comes over me. So I decide to finnaly stop running. Placing my hands on my knees, I breathe heavily. In and out, in and out. But I can't calm down.

My phone lets out one ping after another and when it's silent for a moment, it's buzzing like crazy. It has to be Felix, desperately trying to reach me.

The tears won't stop coming as I think about my best friend, and how he will hate me now.

I'm a terrible person.

--

Is it weird to hate your own main character? Because I'm doing that right now sjdjhshsj