in which alec is heartbroken, and guilty.
~
He sighs, the movement heavy and tense, his thoughts weighing down on him. His shoulders slump with exhaustion, guilt coursing through his veins as he stares at Magnus, unmoving, as he chokes back on the sobs that always seem to be stuck on his throat, tears threatening to spill over his cheeks at any given second.
He understands now.
He understands now, the pain Magnus would've felt when he used the parabatai rune to track Jace. He understands now, why Magnus never left his side, not even when the entire Institute tried to convince him otherwise. He understands now, why Magnus was so furious at him for putting his life at risk.
He understands, because he feels the exact same way.
It's a strange mix of emotions, something he's never experienced before. Somewhere in between pain, and longing, and fury.
He never wants to feel like this again.
Izzy and Jace have been trying to get him to leave the infirmary, to eat something, to rest, but he absolutely refuses to leave Magnus's side. He's even ignored his mother's requests; and Underhill gave up long ago. There doesn't seem to be anything more he can do other than wait for Magnus, Catarina has made that much clear.
So wait beside Magnus's side, he will.
He wants Magnus to wake up, more than anything. He wants to apologize, wants to let Magnus know how sorry he is, for not understanding his pain, for bending over backwards to get Jace back, without realizing what that would cost Magnus. He wants to tell Magnus that he'll never, ever inflict that kind of pain on him again, that he finally knows what it feels like to be on the verge of losing the person you love, that all he wants is for Magnus to be happy, even if it's at the cost of his own happiness.
That he finally knows what it's like to lose his world.
×××
[a/n:]
sorry isn't really cutting it anymore, is it?
this is incredibly short, but i couldn't help myself; i had to write it.
actually, it probably belongs on twitter, or tumblr.
oh, well.
initially posted on ao3, under @KissedByAShadow
find me on twitter! @shadowhunt_101
all the love,
dana.
YOU ARE READING
A Little Bit of Chaos, and a Whole Lot of Love | A Collection of Malec One Shots
FanfictionA collection of Malec one shots, just like what the title says. Go ahead and hit read, you know you love 'em. [Note: This book will be based on the show, Shadowhunters.]
