Love For Sale Book 1 (Self-published)

CH 36: Bang The Doldrums

My Dad used to liken me to a sea – most of the time calm, sometimes turbulent, and at times rash. Ang sabi n'ya sa akin noon ay takot daw s'ya na dumating ang panahong magmamahal ako dahil ramdam n'yang hindi ako mag-iisip at puro puso lang ang pagaganahin ko. He did not live long enough to witness how he was right.

"Bakit ang tahimik mo? Anong iniisip ng napakaganda kong fiancée?" Barry asked. We were inside his car and on our way home.

I smiled glancing briefly at him. "Kung anu-ano..."

"Hm...kinakabahan ako sa sagot na 'yan because it hints that something involving me is bothering you but you don't want to talk about it."

"And as I have said not everything is about you," I smoothly replied. "Feeling mo talaga sa'yo lang umiikot ang mundo ko."

"Hindi ba?"

"Eh, 'di, wow..."

He laughed.

"Taas talaga ng tingin mo sa sarili mo, ano?"

"Baka pag-awayan pa natin 'to, Claire, ayoko ng away. And no, contrary to what you think, ang baba ng tingin ko sa sarili ko pagdating sa'yo. Nangangapa ako parati pagdating sa'yo. It feels as if you're a masterpiece I will never be able to muster the courage to master."

"Naks naman, the play of words. You're brilliant and that's such a turn-on."

"Is that it?"

"Ha?"

"Is this about what you and I talked about earlier? D'un sa may hagdan?"

I shook my head. "Not...entirely..."

He sighed.

"Claire, you can change your mind. Hindi naman por que sinabi mo ay kailangan mo nang panindigan. You can still say no."

"Are you bothered that I am not going to sleep with you like I said?"

"I am bothered that you are bothered at the idea that you promised to sleep with me. It's a promise you can break. I understand. I don't want you to do something that you are not comfortable doing. I don't want you to force yourself to do something even if it doesn't feel right."

"So feeling mo kaya ako nag-iisip ay dahil nagdadalawang-isip akong panagutan 'yang katigangan mo?" I jokily said but Barry did not reply. "Hoy, napakaseryoso mo yata."

"Look, kaya kong parausin ang sarili ko—"

"Shit naman, the mental picture."

"I am just being honest. I know how to relieve myself. It's not as if all my life I have open legs waiting for me whenever I feel the urge. And no, don't bring Leah into the picture, our relationship is tricky and extremely complicated."

"I wasn't about to..."

"Good. Ang gusto lang sabihin ay kung ayaw mo pwedeng-pwede kang umayaw at pwede mo akong tanggihan. Mas gugustuhin ko pa 'yun kaysa mapilitan ka dahil lang gusto ko..."

"Sorry..." I mumbled.

"For what?"

"For being such a cock tease..."

"My cock and I understand."

I laughed. "So, may pag-uusap na nangyari?"

"Kailangan ko kasing ipaintindi sa kanya ang mga bagay-bagay..."

I laughed again and he laughed along this time.

"But, no kidding, Claire, okay lang..."

"It's not that I don't want to, Barry..."