Gotta Be Your Man * A Chris Brown Love Story *

Loud as a bomb

I was at the house rockinig Sei to sleep as we listened to "Fly before you fall" By Cynthia Erivo

This song was is calming and as her words travled through my ears , Its like they spoke to me. Everthing I was going through at this moment in my life.

"Hear and now your afraid, Dont you worry, I'll teach you to fly before you fall"

Words so soothing.

"I hear you loud as a bomb wanting a shoulder to cry on, I Hear you tumbling fast . Hear and now your afaird dont be scared, dont be scared."

I started to think about the things that I've been through all these years of being on this earth.

"Cause I hear you loud as a bomb, I hear you tumbling fast"

Sei was fully asleep as I laid her down in her bed and tucked her in. I kissed her forehead GoodNight and walked back in my room where August was sleeping.

These past couple weeks have been hectic for me. It's only so much I can take before I self destruct.

As I thought about everything I got my things ready for my shower.

I stepped into The hot water releilving all my stress. I washed my body and got out. I wrapped my hair and pulled a shirt over my body.

I dropped my dirty clothes in the hamper as I walked to The bed and laid with August.

Once I was comfortable Aug wrapped his arms around me and kissed my neck.

"You smell good baby" He whispered

"Thanks"  I sighed

He kissed my lips and fell back to sleep. But for some reason I couldn't find my way to sleep. To many things were on my mind at once. I guess I just wanted everything to be simple. Ya know? 

I didnt grow up with everthing I had to work for anything that i wanted.

I eventually fell alseep, thinking to much on the past...

* "AHHH GET OFF OF ME" I screamed.

He punched me in the face and threw me back on the bed.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, NOW WE CAN MAKE THIS EASY OR HARD, BUT IMMA GET WHAT I WANT" He yelled

"Please please get off of me" I said in pain kicking and screaming

he slapped me across the face and ripped of my leggings and panties

"Pleasee stop" I cried*

I woke up in sweat and tears thinking about what harels bitch ass did to me. That man took my inoccnece. That man took away that young sweet girl that I once knew

The only perosn that knows about my rape is Chris, I never told August. 

"Des, Des you okay?" Aug said calming me down'

I wiped my face and shook my yes as I made my way to the bathroom. I shut the door as I looked in the mirror. I sighed. 

The image looking back at me was horrific. I hated myself.

I tried to act like everything was fine and dandy and it wasn. Nothing ever goes right.

I grabbed my oil sheen spray bottle and threw it at the mirror as it shattered into pieces.

"Destiny what the fuck u doing in there" Aug said banging on the other side of the door

I couldnt think straight I just wanted to be alone. 

Aug kept banging on the door as I grabbed a piece of the glass off the sink slicing my arm over and over and over again until I numbness. I felt myself falling to the floor 

In a distance I heard the door being pushed open 

"Oh shit"

"Mommy Mommy wake up" 

"I need help my girlfirend is on the floor with cuts on her arm... Yeah man... HURRY THE FUCK UP"

"Mommy wake up please" Sei cried

Those were the last things I heard before I blacked out 

Fact: Rape victims are prone to suicide.....

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