Evol

chapter twenty-six

Monday 17th June, 2019

I felt strange driving to school on Monday.

I told myself it had nothing to do with the revelation that came to me on Saturday night. I told myself everything was fine. Normal. Great.

But my heart was beating wildly in my chest, and my hands were slick with sweat on the steering wheel as I pulled into the school and parked. Breathing deeply, I watched more cars park, girls and boys pouring out of them, laughing and joking. Oblivious to my distress.

Like a fool, I looked in the rear view mirror, checking no mascara had smeared, all pimples were covered, hair in place, before my eyes wandered.

They found him, sitting on that classic as usual, smoking. The thick cloud surrounded him, surrounded all of them, and I felt a kick in my heart as Julian laughed at something Bleu said.

A memory resurfaced against my will. . .

I laid in bed on Saturday night after Julian had left. I let my head run away, thinking back to that moment, when Julian fell out of the window. The terror had paralysed me, and I felt sick to my stomach. Sick with dread. I remembered thinking, right then, what I would do without him.

The answer was nothing. I'd only ever felt that once in my life, years ago. . .

That's when I knew.

I saw his face in my head, black curls tostled, wide mouth soft, dark eyes shining. I saw his enraged face when he saw the bruises on my neck. I saw him laughing loudly and carelessly with me. I saw his eyes, pinched closed, as he kissed me in the diner bathroom.

I loved him.

I was in love with him.

Now, sitting in my yellow Beetle, I wished I'd never let my mind go, let myself face the truth. Once it came out, it was all I could think of. It ruled every waking moment.

The only thing that stopped me from going insane was what Julian had said to me before the chaos began: 'it's impossible to just be your friend. We both know it. For us, it's more or nothing.'

If it was anyone else, knowledge that he might feel the same would have sent me straight into his arms - I wasn't a coward. But he wasn't just anybody.

Julian was dangerous. He probably killed that man when he got away from me. But he hadn't been a man, had he? And the worst part was, Julian wasn't either. I knew what I saw when he turned around - the same white-less eyes and rippling red veins. Yet, he only seemed to have a few sharp teeth, instead of a mouth full of them.

But what did that matter?

Determination drove me; I had to know what was going on. I had to know what he was - what they all were. Because chances were, if I found what Julian was, I found what the attackers were, and all of his friends.

Getting out of the car, it took everything I had to studiously ignore him. I kept my eyes on the school until I felt the heavy gaze on me, and flinched. Speeding up, I was desperate for the safety of the school, desperate to get out of his eye line.

What was I supposed to say to him? How was I supposed to act?

Not too long after, I took my seat in assembly. I pushed my glasses on my head, trained my eyes forward to the sea of heads in front. Brendan sat next to me moments later.

"Hey," he said.

"Hi!" I smiled. "How are you this fine Monday?"

He rolled his big eyes. "Tired. Wanting to go home."