What am I even doing anymore? I'm still mad. Why? Hell if I know. I'm still angry and I'm still hurt and even now I don't want to talk about it. But I miss him.
I miss his dimple smiles and his dorky little laugh and his tan skin. I miss our lunches together, and the times when I didn't act like a crazy person trying to avoid all contact with him. But I know that if I don't avoid contact with him, then I'll be near him and either forgive him without talking about it, or get mad at him all over again.
What is wrong with me? All of my thoughts are like this. I'm aware that the only way out of this is talking it all out with him. Deep down I know I'm more hurt than angry. And when I thought hard enough about it I know why I'm so hurt. But those aren't thoughts I can say out loud without becoming completely vulnerable. I don't want to be vulnerable or have feelings. It makes me feel weak and I hate that more than anything.
But I miss him.
Groaning in frustration, I pull the covers over my head and roll around on my bed, kicking my feet a bit to relieve the anxiety that's built up in my chest.
I want to hug him.
I want to tease him.
I want to hear him call me his kitty.
My phone pings and I stick one hand from under the covers to grab it and bring it back under. My heart jumps when I see a text from Namjoon, though I know I'll just reply to it with more cat pictures or memes like I've been doing.
Dimples: Kitty guess what
With a few taps I respond with a picture of Steve I've edited on Snapchat. No one ever should have let me on there.
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Dimples: 😐 Dimples: I got seven kittens Dimples: seven Dimples: baby Dimples: cats Dimples: I need your help what do I do with these Dimples: Want to come meet them? Dimples: ? Dimples: Hello? Dimples: Kitty?
Y/n: SEND ME YOUR ADDRESS RIGHT FUCKING NOW
Ok, forget EVERYTHING I just said; it ISN'T IMPORTANT. Namjoon has seven kittens? How? Why? When? Without thinking twice I grab my jacket, keys, and a bag of cat treats and race out the door.
Namjoon's house was closer than I expected, but I guess if I thought about it I should have figured that since he always walks to mine. It's close but still a good ways from the rest of the neighborhood houses, more towards a rural part of town. The GPS leads me down a road lined with more trees than houses and I have to wonder how far the forest in this area stretches. Finally it directs me down into a cul-de-sac when it tells me I've arrived at my destination.
