I'm ready. I know I haven't written here much and as I said before, this is just a place for me to vent. Its not that I haven't had bullshit to deal with, I almost felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown. But I didn't. I'm just lazy. I'm here now and I'm motherfucking ready!
For what? Why, the new decade of course! I'm pretty psyched to be entering my 40th year this fall. I honestly didn't think I'd live this long but as much anxiety I have about dying, I want to live live live! So yeah, seeing 2020 has been pretty dope.
Then I hear the news, not on purpose but I passed a tv and it was on and I saw that the President may have started WW3 and Australia is literally on fire! Its scary! But I'm not scared. I'm doing my self care stuff and busy feeling mad abdominal pain because of the stupid endometriosis.
While I'm sending love and images of cool rain down under, I'm staying focused on the present and what's right in front of me. I'm studying my craft and writing and publishing my books on Amazon. And above all, I'm grateful. Grateful that I'm here. Im tired of complaining and feeling anything other than happiness.
This isn't a segway to a New Years resolution. If it were, well all I want to do this year is live. Not survive, which I've done my entire life. But I want to live! And love again! As scary as opening myself up to someone, I'm ready for that too.
My Sir has moved away and while we message daily, his presence is sorely missed. I hope to find a new Dom, someone who was as sweet and patient and an utter gentleman like my Sir was. So there's that.
I'm still working on my mental health and almost relapsed with wanting to hurt myself. I know, bad me! But I need to stop beating myself up and remind myself that I'm human. Its ok if I make a mistake. And its ok if people Fuck up but it's just gonna take some time for me to get over it.
Damn black and white thinking.
But that is who I am. I am still here. Its 2020 and I'm embracing me and all of my idiosyncrasies. I'm weird, I know. Its fun! That's what life should be about. Having fun! I forget sometimes, we all do. We're all so stressed about what's happening around us. Lets not forget to work on our insides as well. To you and yours, Happy New Year Xoxo
ESTÁS LEYENDO
Dear Diary: But Seriously, What the Fuck?
No FicciónI don't blog, just needed a place to vent. Who knows, maybe someone will read it and empathize or sympathize with me. All I know is, we're not alone. No matter how different we look on the outside, we all go through the same bloody bullshit. So this...
