I don't think I'll ever have a normal relationship of any kind. I can't trust people or my emotions or even my body. I am not trying to be negative, especially during these perilous times, yet I'm the 1% or whatever that may die from this stupid virus...and I don't think I've ever been loved.
For all the rest of death and dying, after my mother's stroke, I stopped thinking about myself. I needed to make sure she was ok, only my body would remind me that I can't do everything that is expected of me. I have this transplant to take care of and this Endo pain during my current period to deal with.
NYC is on lockdown I think. Idk, I'm not really paying attention although I should. I should probably get some protein shakes and little snacks that can last me awhile. I think I have enough toilet paper. I feel so alone tho. I almost felt hopeful I found a couple for me but I just really don't like being around people and the idea of moving into a built in family is exhausting. If it's the end of the world, I wan't to have my own family dammit.
I keep changing my mind, what I want and what I don't want. Love me, hate me, hurt me, leave me alone. Its all the same. Pain. Sorry I've stumbled upon the Debbie Downer route. I'm just glad I had a back up Dom who has been with me for the past month and being a friend and super patient. Like my old Dom. I think that's why I like him so much. And that he's older and super pervy. They always appreciate me more and give me more attention. God bless that man lol. I just hope I don't get crazy and moody and mess our good friendship.
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Dear Diary: But Seriously, What the Fuck?
Non-FictionI don't blog, just needed a place to vent. Who knows, maybe someone will read it and empathize or sympathize with me. All I know is, we're not alone. No matter how different we look on the outside, we all go through the same bloody bullshit. So this...
