We're Just Broken [BOOK 2 Of The 'We're Just' Trilogy]

"Hello, Seattle"

O N E

Seattle was a bustling city, always cold and damp. but regardless of its few cons, it was a beautiful city. it was my kind of city, loud and full of life with wonderful people. 3 Years here and I was well fit in, although people till date still wear shocked expressions when I begin speaking.

I make my way through the crowded streets, everyone seems to enjoy the cold nights. People crowd the bars and local pubs on Friday nights with friends, although I prefer sitting at home I tend to go out for the occasional margarita.

My co-workers usually ask me to join them for drinks on Fridays after work, today was one of those days but I declined. Its as if ever since i left home i don't function like i used to, nights are longer and more lonely. Even when i'm surrounded by friends, it still doesn't feel the same.

I've constantly told myself to let go of the past, of what i did. It is my fault i feel like this anyway, but i'm so physically tired and emotionally drained all the time. Sometimes i'm scared i've actually shut down a good portion of myself, my good side. Then again, none of this would've happened if i has just stayed with Nathan and fought through my worries and insecurities.

Never once was i insecure of Nathan doing something as crazy as cheating on  me or dumping me for another woman, we'd been through too much together for him to do that. I was more afraid of become who i was before i met him again, cold, closed off and keeping everyone at bay so i wouldn't hurt any more people than i already had. But almost losing him broke me beyond fix, or at least that's what i think broke me.

I definitely played a big role in my own miserable state but at the time it felt like the only thing to do, like my last resort. 

Today is Gen's birthday and although i'm miles away i promised i would facetime her so we could blow the candles out together for the third year in a row.

Anxiety begins to creep up my chest as I get closer to my apartment complex, she promised it was a small party with known people but i was afraid he would be amongst the small group of friends. Gen avoided talking about him for my sake but sometimes she would see the look on my face and just tell me about him because she pitied us.

She said he kept in touch and would visit Stephen and her sometimes, she never said why and i didn't bother asking. I was afraid to know more than I'd learned because i was scared of falling into that pit of self-hate and blame. I constantly blamed myself for what happened to Nathan, it was Jason all along but i was the one that dragged him into that mess when i knew better.

Sometimes just recalling that make's my chest hurt and my eyes sting.

Once i'm inside my apartment i drop my handbag on the wooden shoe rack, kick my sneakers off and flick the lights on. The polished wooden floors are illuminated by the pale yellow lighting, setting a warm feeling in my stomach.

I push my hair out of my face and slide onto a stool, leaning my elbows on the marble counter that faced the living room, giving me a parallel view of the large glass windows looking out into the city. Sliding my laptop out of its case i power it on and wait for it to start up while i check my texts.

Replying to a few texts from mum asking me about my day and samuel's stupid meme's that never fail to make me laugh, i ignore the other texts and begin my facetime call with gen.

It rings a couple of times before Stephen's messy brown hair and blue eyes come into view, I grin "hey lover boy, where's your girlfriend?" he grins back "hey panda, she's just lighting the candles. mon say hi" his voice booms through the speaker as he calls out to a bypassing monica. She whips around "what- oh! hey! how've you been?" her bubbly optimism rolls off her in waves as she smiles happily at the camera.