Let's Pretend [Niall Horan]

Chapter 23

For those who ship Farry/Haith, you will probably enjoy this chappy:)

-Aria-
••Feb 1, 2013••

I had never felt so hurt in my life.  The insides of me felt like they were curling up into a ball and hiding from ever seeing daylight again.  It had been a two years.  A whole two years and I still felt the same way.  I knew that Payton would have wanted me to be myself.  The happy, energetic, and positive self.  This was the only reason she trusted me with so much.  But it was so hard.  Extremely hard and I didn't even know how Payton managed these few years like this.  This was the first time I've had any relaxation in the past few weeks.  But my mind couldn't help but fly to where Payton must be.  She would know what to say to me right now.  She would even know how to manage all this better than I was right now.  I just hoped she was doing okay back in America.

"Auntie Ari," I heard Max say as he ran into the room, jumping up and down.  His excitement never failed to put a smile on my face even at the worst of my life.

Max continued to jump up and down with a piece of paper in his hand, his face filled with excitement and happiness.  The blonde strands of his hair, that had grown rather long, bounced off of his forehead.  I tried to keep his hair short because I wasn't a fan of long hair on guys.  Sometimes people told me I was too obsessed with cutting his hair but Payton used to just laugh and let me cut his hair as often as I wanted.

"What's up buttercup?" I smiled as I spoke quietly and as cheerfully as I could, running my hand through his hair, getting that long hair out of his eyes.

Extending my other hand out, I offered to grab the paper from him but I quickly pulled my hand back, placing it firmly back on the bed.  My hand was shaking so badly.  I hadn't noticed it before, but it wouldn't stop.  Why was I being so emotional?

"This is a letter I wrote for you!" Max jumped on the bed on his hands and knees, partly crinkling up his paper, which was still in his small hand.  He quickly shifted his weight so he is now in a sitting position before he tried to fix the paper he had just crinkled and then handed it to me.

I quickly took the paper and placed it on my lap so I could put my hands back down.  I didn't want him to notice my shaking hands.  It was not something he, out of all people, should have to worry about.

I looked down at the paper, carefully reading it,

Dear Aria

Hi. 

You are my favorite mum in the whole world. 

I am Max and I love you.

Bye.

"Miss Juwie hewped me with it." Max looked up at me for an answer, or some type of positive reply but I had none. 

I couldn't say anything.

I wasn't his mom.  I wasn't his favorite.  I wasn't allowed to get letters like this from him.  Payton was.  Not me.

"You don't wike it?" He slowly asked, pronouncing 'like' with a 'w.' His voice was so sweet and sentimental that I had to quickly look away from the paper to avoid tearing up.

Slowly I shook my head with a smile forming on my lips.  This wasn't a forced smile, but also not a natural one.  I couldn't help but just want to burst into tears.  This was not my place to be right now, although at the same time, I knew it was.  I shouldn't have been the one to receive all the cute little letters from my sister's son.

"Mummy, are you okay?" Max said.  I smiled, pulling him closer.

"I love it," I said, placing a kiss on his temple.  "You're getting so good at your spelling."