CLOSE TO ME | MARK LEE

46

I stood. Looking over the lively city. I took another shot and just stared into the blurred distance as I had zoned out.

Why does it have to be me? When I try to tell God that he should be fair and equal he doesn't listens to me. I have lost all the energy. Now that Areum has gone so far away without me knowing who did that to her, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it.

I take another shot and use the bars as support. I leaned over and looked down. Cars were whizzing past, probably people going back to their homes to rest. Whereas I can't rest, I'm not stress free. I'm fed up. I don't feel like doing it anymore. "Mark this happened." "Mark that happened". When I try my hardest to tell God that we are good people and we shouldn't be having to go through this at our age and life, I get targeted at. I'm only a 20 year old boy, not God.

I thought about it long and hard and dropped my glass cup. I started to climb the railings and stood with my balance, still grasping the railings with my hands. I sat on the other edge and looked in detail. It might just be the last time I see this so I should look at it carefully. I observed for a few minutes.

I took a deep breath. One of my hands let go. As the other one was about to leave I heard "MARK!". So loud enough to make people from other rooftops hear. "STOP!"

A male's voice was heard and it was familiar as to who it was. I turned around to see a young man with casual clothing on. He had a hat on and bag hanging off his shoulder. Suddenly he dropped it and started running towards me. He came panting. "What are you doing! Are you mad! Is this how things will work out.." he stopped as he looked shook. He looked at me right in my eyes. Worry was seen. However I just looked at him. He held his knees and started looking at me intensely. After a few seconds, he came closer and I scanned his face. "Taeyong hyung?" I asked looking slightly confused.

"Yes Mark, it is me" he said is the most soothing voice ever. "Now listen to me, you get down here by me and we will talk. Don't do anything stupid." He said warily.

"Why hyung? It's all done. I'm not coming down." I looked up at the sky.

"It's not like I'm sitting here for the first time and it's not like this thought hasn't wondered across my mind multiple times." I chucked as a tear slipped down my eye.

"Mark... trust me. Get down here and talk to me. I might be able to help you. Just tell me what's wrong. Tell me everything."

"Hyung, I can't even help myself so how can someone else do it. I tried to help myself and it got better but now I just can't. Just let me please. Don't blame yourself for what I'm going to do."

I looked back down to the road which seemed miles away from the rooftop I was sitting at.

"No Mark! You can't. You don't realise how much of a big mistake you're doing. Everyone needs you and loves you. Just please think about us members, Areum. I knew what was going on between you too and you looked so happy with her. The happiest I've ever seen you."

"But hyung, the members will do much better without me. They'll have more lines, screen time and recognition. People will know them better and that's what they deserve. I've had my share of recognition and I think it's enough. And for Areum, who knows if she'll be able to stay. And if she can't neither can I."

I look back to hyung but see a few more shadows in the distance. They all came running up towards me whilst panting and stopped by Taeyong hyung.

"Oh hi, Jaehyun hyung..Jungwoo .. Taeil hyung..Haechannie ahh and doyoung hyung." I pointed at all them as I said their names and waved at them.

"I guess you're here to say your final goodbyes to me. Well I gotta say it was nice knowing you and just to let you know all this is none of your fault. I'm just going to make my life easier. Don't remember me too much, that'll just be upsetting."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN HYUNG?! GET THE FUCK OFF THERE RIGHT NOW. WHAT DO YOU EVEN THINK YOU ARE DOING?" Haechan screamed whilst crying as doyoung hyung held him.

"Mark.. I thought you went to talk to the police? Did they tell you something? Is it that you've found out who did this?" Jaehyun's hyung asked calmly.

But I just laughed.

"JUST TELL ME." Jaehyun hyung's voice got louder and more scary.

"That's why I'm exactly here. I don't know who did and now I have absolutely no energy. So I'm going. Let's not keep this going for too long."

"Mark, think calmly. Do you really want to go or is it just to run away from your problems?" Taeil hyung asked.

"Yeah Mark, have you not thought about anything or the consequences?" Doyoung hyung followed.

"Mark, what about our hyungs that aren't here right now. Have you thought about how they will feel?" Jungwoo asked as he sobbed.

"The truth is that I've thought too much that I've stopped thinking. If I start thinking about everyone and everything I will never be able to get anything done. Please don't ask or tell me anything more. I'm going now. Bye and I'll see yall in heaven. Have great lives and I'll watch you from up there."

I let go of my one hand and looked up down again. This was it. The second try and no one could stop me know. No one knows what I was going through, what's been eating me on the inside. No one knows the feeling of being dead whilst being alive. Nobody knows. So why should I trouble them with it? The only person that knew is also now lying on her deathbed and it's all because of me. I can't do this anymore.

My grip with the other hand became loose. Until I was launched. Not forwards but backwards. My waist clutched by Taeyong hyung. He grunted as he was practically squashed underneath me. I shut my eyes tight and just sobbed and sobbed. There was no stopping me right now. I held hyung's arms that were around me.

The other hyungs sat us down properly on the floor and surrounded us. Taeyong hyung was quick to hug me again as I just cried like a little baby. I let go and unleashed my feelings. The others also squashed up and hugged us.

"Let's go home." Taeil hyung said as I was lifted up.

Crying so much made me lose my energy and my eyes shut again with darkness covering me.

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Sorry for the extra long chapter everyone! I just thought it would be better to put all of this in one chapter.

Wow so like it was real deep though.

❤️❤️

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