Nine

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'Happy birthday'

I stared at the message I had sent Chanyeol two weeks ago on his birthday, but he never replied. Maybe he got many messages and forgot to reply to mine? Or maybe I was just an idiot to send him a message. He was a big star, and must have gotten a millions of wishes. Mine wasn't important.

"You ready?"

I glanced at Mishil, and nodded my head. We were invited to 'JYP party' and honestly I was excited for the first time to attend a show. He was a nice man, and I was looking forward to seeing him.

"Sungjae and Iseul are dating!" Yura exclaimed dramatically as she read some post on the internet. It wasn't new for me.

"Ignore it." I shrugged.

"Sungjae is currently working with red velvet Joy, I bet their fans are hating on you." Bom shook her head. "It's getting out of control. I might snap someday." she muttered.

I wrapped an arm around her shoulder. "Bom unnie, I'm fine. They can say whatever they want to, you know I will marry Chanyeol only." I winked playfully, and she chuckled.

Yura joined in. "And I'm the bridesmaid."

"We three are." Mishil pointed out.

Like I really was going to marry Chanyeol. Yeah. It was a wishful thinking.

The camera rolled in, and we walked to the stage of the set. Jinyoung sunbae welcomed us warmly, and after introducing ourselves we took our seats. The conversation went on with our music, and the topic shifted to my reaction to fans. Jinyoung sunbae asked me about the fan's love towards us, and how we handle it. I told him I scold them all the time.

"You scold them?" he asked, surprised.

"I want my fans to act good. I'm not afraid to call them out on their mistakes." I told him.

"Yeah. She even scolded few when they started saying something about my weight. I was surprised." Yura said with wide eyes.

"I myself stan the group who isn't afraid to tell the fans their mistakes." I smiled. "I have learned that as an idol, it's your responsibility to take stand for your beliefs."

"She's brave." Bom grinned.

"Who do you stan?" Jinyoung sunbae chuckled.

"EXO." I wasn't afraid to tell everyone that anymore. They could piss off for all I care.

Everyone laughed, and conversation started about our latest album and future plans. Yura shared her childhood memories and how she wasn't good at studies, but was thankful for this opportunity. Bom unnie told everyone how it was tough to get along with us and new environment at first, but efforts embraced us together. Mishil unnie was the longest trainne among us, and told everyone how hard it was to wait for debute.

Jinyoung sunbae showed us some of our photographs from debute days. It has been almond two years, but feel like we just debuted yesterday. I was grinning so widely in those photos. Good old days. I was actually happy in that time.

The conversation again shifted to me. "Iseul, you've changed so much since debute days. You look more silent nowadays."

I chuckled. "I'm scared I'll say something wrong most of the times, so I prefer to stay silent."

"Iseul?"

I lifted mic to my mouth, and cleared my throat. "I always wanted to become a singer, and when I first debuted... I was actually happy. I had my members, and fans but then things started getting worse for me. Being the younger one in the group brings a lot of attention, and I didn't know how to accept all the certicism. I know I'm not perfect, but I was just 18 years old girl."

I took a deep breath and laughed nervously because I could feel tears burning my eyes, and I never had a breakdown in front of camera. I have avoided crying in front of people my whole life, but right now it was getting tough.

"So many things happened in these months. It became hard to express myself, and I know I became cold with fans. I'm still working on it and I know I need to accept it... My fans helped me a lot though. They understand me. They cheer me up, and that's why I named them colors."

"I can see tears in your eyes. Are you okay Iseul?" he asked. I shook my head and covered my face with hands. "I have never seen you crying."

"I have seen her crying only one time." Bom said as Mishil took me in her embrace. "I remember Mishil unnie was  going through a tough time, and Iseul must have read things about her. She just came to us and started crying, saying she is upset because of people hating on Mishil."

"She's soft hearted." Yura mumbled.

I took a deep breath and wiped my tears when someone handed me wet wipes. "I'm fine. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing wrong with showing your emotions. It's okay." Jinyoung sunbae said. "You're a young girl. Don't feel pressured."

"I just want to tell people that we idols are humans as well. I'm soon turning 21 tomorrow and I want to enjoy my life. I know I can't have a normal 20s girl's life, but you can make it easier for me." I said.

"You remind me of EXO DO. He has similar thoughts as you."

"Do sunbae always say what it is on his mind, but most of us don't have that kind of courage. I'm learning a lot from him." I nodded. The conversation went ahead with favorite things, and everything. It eventually headed towards Hollywood singers.

"Taylor swift. I love Taylor swift." I grinned. Jinyoung sunbae asked me to sing a song for everyone, and I brought my guitar. "I want to dedicate this song to every single person who spread rumors about me. Dating or no, I'll tell my fans about it myself, when I'm sure about the person that is. The song is called 'Blank space'."

"Nice to meet you, where you been?
I could show you incredible things
Magic, madness, heaven sin
Saw you there and I thought
Oh my God, look at that face
You look like my next mistake
Love's a game, want to play?
New money, suit and tie
I can read you like a magazine
Ain't it funny, rumors, lie
And I know you heard about me
So hey, let's be friends
I'm dying to see how this one ends
Grab your passport and my hand
I can make the bad guys good for a weekend

So it's gonna be forever
Or it's gonna go down in flames
You can tell me when it's over
If the high was worth the pain
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
'Cause you know I love the players
And you love the game

'Cause we're young and we're reckless
We'll take this way too far
It'll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They'll tell you I'm insane
But I've got a blank space baby
And I'll write your name."

Everyone clapped, and I bowed shyly. The show ended after sometime, and I went to change in green room. Surprisingly, someone was already there. Fei? I almost stopped breathing when she smiled, and stood up from chair.

"Ready to go darling?" she asked.

"Where?" I frowned. She smiled, and pushed me to change hurriedly. I took off my makeup, and walked out of the room to see her talking with my group members. Her eyes shifted to me and she smirked.

"We're kidnapping you."

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