This Summer (DMBB Spin-off)

Chapter 30: What Is Happening?

"Can't I just turn back the clock?
Forgive my sins
I just wanna roll my sleeves up
And start again."

Song: Start Again ~ One Republic ft. Logic

***

30. What Is Happening?

I felt terrible.

Not because I was going through some sort of second wave withdrawal...well I mean I kinda was but that's not why I felt terrible.

I felt terrible because of Jacob.

We ended things, and now he barely even looked at me let alone speak. Did I blame him though? No. I broke him. He tried to put me back together, but I ended up breaking him.

Still, I was very much in love with him, and it hurt.

I barely chipped into the conversation I was in with some of the others when Jacob walked in. I was already silent, but for some reason I just felt more quiet. He walked across the room, picked up whatever, and then left.

Why was he doing this to me?

"Okay, what's the deal between you two?" Tess asked when he was gone.

I shrugged. "There's no deal."

"One day you're all over each other and the next you're both acting like either of you don't exist," she pointed out.

I sighed. "It's nothing."

"Shayley, come on," Jess said. "We all sense there's something wrong here. I mean, you two are supposed to be together."

"Yeah well we're not," I snapped, getting up. "Sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Where are you going?"

"To find Jacob," I answered.

He couldn't just ignore me forever. If this were the old Shayley, I would have stormed over to him in a heartbeat and knocked sense into him.

I left them and walked upstairs. When my hand reached the doorknob to his room, I froze.

What the hell was I going to say?

Nevertheless I opened the door and walked in. He was sitting on his bed, reading. His eyes snapped up to meet mine, and he put the book away.

"What?"

"You ignore me all day and you ask me 'what?'" I said in disbelief.

He sighed and got up, doing all he could to avoid my eyes. I rolled my eyes and marched over to him, grabbing his arm.

"Jacob, I get that you hate me right now, but the least you can do is look at me," I said.

His soft green eyes melted into mine. "You think I hate you? Shayley I wish I could talk to you, I really do."

"Then why ignore me?"

"Because it's the only way I know how to cope," he admitted. "Cope with not being with you in the way that I want to. How am I supposed to talk to you like nothing ever happened between us when all I want to do is kiss you?"

"Then for goodness sakes do it!" I said. "I sure as hell won't stop you."

He shook his head. "You say that now, but you'll say something different later. You don't know what you want. I can put my heart on the line for you Shayley, but you have to meet me halfway. I can't force you, and I won't. I understand that you need time. But don't tell me that you want to be with me and then feel differently on the inside. Believe me, that hurts worse than not being with me at all."