Before I Go

Chapter 3- Well, Hello

I arrive at my not-at-all-special, nothing-out-of-the-ordinary, typical public school to find that today is nothing but an ordinary day. I can't help but feel slightly relieved by that realization, a weird sense of calmness washing over me. It's almost soothing to know that nothing has changed. The typical cliques are talking about their ordinary things in their usual spots. I silently revel in the familiarity, predictability, and sense of ease that comes with the mundanity of it all. I have to admit that I kind of like it. I can't stand change; it's absolutely terrifying. So when things are exactly the same day after day, it's nice. Comforting, even. Well, at least it's less stressful than when things change unexpectedly.

While getting dressed this morning, I decided to pair my fancy-schmancy new hair with some clothes that are... hmm, more? Is that the word I'm looking for? I don't know. Clothes that are not as plain as those I usually wear. And even a little bit of makeup. You know, I generally like to be invisible in school. To blend into the crowd. I prefer to be part of the background. I don't have any friends; I hardly talk to anyone. I just kind of... quietly exist most of the time. And I like that, most days. Well, some days. Okay, I honestly don't know if I actually like it at all, but it's familiar. It's safe. It's comfortable. And I definitely like that feeling of stability, the reassurance that I'm tucked safely within the confines of my comfort zone. It's just my thing, I guess. But today, I decided to be less plain, less invisible, less background-worthy. Today I decided to be more. Just a little bit more, though, nothing crazy. I'd probably poop my pants if I received too much attention around here...

Yikes. That's definitely something I hope to avoid at all costs.

So, with my less-invisible clothes and new hair, I enter the school feeling... seen? Noticed? I don't know. I'm a little scared, though. I can feel the panic bubbling in my stomach, threatening to break free as I slowly walk through the crowded building. I'm afraid of what this change will bring. It's entirely unsettling. I swallow thickly and use all of my willpower to stop myself from curling into myself and hiding from the world. My teeth worry at my bottom lip without my permission, and I'm almost sure there will be a giant crater in the poor thing by the end of the day. While it's likely not obvious to anyone else, I'm wholly aware of the increasingly rapid rise and fall of my chest as my breathing becomes faster. My blood swooshes in my ears, blocking out the sounds of whispered gossip, and I can't help but feel partially grateful for the slight distraction. But my distress doesn't subside, even with this small consolation. I should probably go home and change my clothes, possibly put on a hat or something. I think I changed my mind; I'd rather be invisible.

Bring on the background!

Oh, no... Parker Adams is looking right at me! Does he recognize me? Does he like this new look? Does he think I look stupid? That I'm trying too hard?

Ugh, my brain just won't settle down.

For those of you who don't know, Parker Adams is... well, he's Parker Adams. He's the cutest boy I've ever seen in my entire life. Tall and built like an athlete, Parker towers over most of the other teenagers in our class. His wavy brown hair is always perfectly tousled, and his eyes are pools of warm caramel. And not only is he ridiculously attractive, but he's also probably one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. I may or may not have had a crush on him ever since we first met in the second grade. I'm pretty sure I fell in love at the exact moment that little Parker, with his perfect, toothless smile and messy hair, asked to borrow my red crayon.

My breath hitches in my throat as I realize that Parker Adams is currently walking in my direction... And not only that but his gaze is still locked on me. It's like I've suddenly forgotten how to breathe or something.

He's coming right toward me! Crap. What do I do?

"Well, hello, Morgan," Parker says, his voice low and gravelly. You know when you're stuck in a deep sleep, and someone wakes you up? When you're somewhere between sleeping and waking, and your mind and your mouth don't really cooperate with each other? When your words come out kind of mumbled, and your voice is deep and husky, and you're not even entirely sure if the words coming out of your mouth are intelligible? Yeah, that's what Parker sounds like, just minus the mumbling. That dreamy, husky, entirely alluring sound. It sends a delighted shiver right down my spine to hear him say my name like that; it's probably the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.

I probably just melted.

Morgan Feldman is now nothing but a puddle on the floor in this crowded school hallway.

"Uh, h-hi, P-parker," I stutter out, my cheeks flaming red in embarrassment as I dip my head to avoid eye contact.

Stupid.

Stupid, Morgan.

Parker's arm brushes against mine as he continues on his way down the hall, likely headed to his first class. I suppress the urge to break out into a childish giggling fit at the barely-there touch. Somehow, I find just enough courage to glance at him as he passes by. Our eyes meet briefly, and a bright smile flashes across his lips before he looks away.

My mind fails to process the entirety of what just happened, the warning bell signaling that I'm going to be late for class if I stand around any longer to contemplate the meaning of life right now. With a sigh and a still-red face, I rush through the now dwindling crowd of gossiping students in search of my assigned classroom.

We'll have to think about Parker Adams later. For now, it's time to focus on math.