Before I Go

Chapter 40- It's Called A Date, Morgan

"So? Give me all the details! How was your date with lover-boy last night?" Ashton asks excitedly, taking a seat at the foot of my bed. She looks at me expectantly, her body leaning forward as if she needs to be as close as possible in order to absorb every single word I'm about to tell her.

I'm momentarily stunned by her question. Stupefied, even. My mouth opens and closes without actually saying any words as I stew in the unknown and incredibly awkward situation. "Date...?" I ask quietly, a combination of embarrassment and confusion swarming me... And there's possibly even a bit of excitement thrown in there at the mention of the word "date." Unfortunately, that sliver of exhilaration takes a backseat to the overwhelming negatives that incessantly plague my mind. "It wasn't a date," I clarify, crossing my arms over my chest as if it would somehow protect me from this uncomfortable situation.

"Okay," Ashton says, leaning back only slightly from her crowding position and allowing me some much-needed breathing room. She's silent for only a second before her hand gestures in front of her, the movement apparently needed to get her point across. With her gaze unwavering from my face, she explains, "A cute boy, whom you happen to have a major crush on, took you out to build a snowman... honey, do you even know where we live? It doesn't snow here, Morgan, which means he had to have put in a lot of effort and probably called in some huge favors just to make that possible for you. Do you see what I'm getting at here? If that doesn't qualify as a 'date,' then I don't know what does."

I have to admit, she certainly has a point. However, I don't think that I can actually voice that opinion out loud. My heart is racing, and my thoughts aren't far behind it; this new revelation has shocked me entirely. A date? There's a strange flutter in my chest as I mull over the word, a warmth spreading through me as I imagine myself on a date with Parker Adams. Still, I reply, "I think it was just two... friends... doing something fun." I visibly cringe at the words, feeling wholly stupid as they leave my mouth.

"It's called a date, Morgan," Ash assures, rolling her eyes at me. I can tell that she's struggling to contain her sarcasm as she further explains, "You and Parker went on a date; that's precisely what this was. And it's not even your first date together, so I don't understand why this is such a big deal."

Because it IS a big deal. An emotional turmoil suddenly consumes me; I had thought that Ashton understood me better than this. This... A date? It is, like, a humongous deal for me. So many feelings rush over me, and I fail desperately as I try to sort through them. To catch up with them. I'm saddened that Ash doesn't seem to get it. That she's so easily dismissing my feelings right now. I'm slightly annoyed, too. And wholly confuddled. And... gosh, the emotions are bombarding me in such quick succession that I can't even identify them all; there are too many, and this is too much.

Besides, Parker had never mentioned anything about a date before, during, or after the entire ordeal. If he had referred to our little snowman building excursion as a "date," I probably would have spent the entire time overthinking it instead of enjoying it. I would have...

Wait.

Does Parker know that already? Had he figured that out on his own and chose not to say anything? Does Parker understand me well enough to get the gravity of such a situation? Did he consider it a date but neglect to call it that for my own sake? So I wouldn't panic about it? Am I really that blind to what's happening between us... That I wouldn't know we were on a date when it should have been clear to me? Ash really did have a valid point; Parker had to have gone through an insane amount of time and effort in order to secure the rink and plan everything out for me like that...

Does he think it was a date...?

This is just great; now I'm definitely overthinking this whole thing. I kind of wish that Ashton hadn't even said anything about it. I was perfectly content with the idea that it was a non-date; why couldn't it have stayed that way? This... This is all too much. Everything is suddenly too much, and I can't make any sense of... Well, anything right now.

"Morgs?" Ashton asks, lightly shaking my shoulder.

I startle back to attention, my voice shaking as I whisper, "Yeah?"

Sighing, Ashton moves closer to me on the bed, placing her arm around my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me. "I'm sorry; I probably shouldn't have said anything about it," she says, and I can clearly hear the guilt in her voice, which instantly makes me feel bad.

Shaking my head slightly, I reply, "It's fine, Ash. I just... You know, that word might not be a big deal to most people. It might not be a big deal to you. But it's a pretty gargantuan one to me, even if I wish it wasn't. I wish I could be a normal teenager and go on dates with a cute boy and not, like, freak out just because that word was mentioned. But, unfortunately, that's not the reality I live in. I get that sometimes I'm difficult to understand, and I appreciate your patience with me. But..."

"I know, Morgs," she interrupts me, wrapping me in a big hug. 'I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to upset you."

I let out a sigh as I return the embrace, wishing that I wasn't like this. Praying that I could just accept that maybe the boy I like took me on a date without overthinking it, without overthinking absolutely everything that happens in my life. Without making my friend feel bad for bringing it up.

I wish I could just be normal...