Always In My Heart

Chapter 5- Inspired

I sit on the edge of my bed with my head in my hands. I am so exhausted. A part of me wants to skip class today, but I can't. I would miss way too much and it wouldn't be worth it. So here I sit after my morning shower, trying to gather the motivation to get dressed.

I can feel the cool droplets of water, dripping from my hair, running down my bare back. I shiver at the sensation. My mind races, taking an introspective glance at the dream I had last night.

Kissing Nikki felt so wrong.

Of course, in the dream, it felt so right, probably because I was so frustrated and aroused in the moment. But when I woke up, I realized how wrong it actually felt. My stomach twists in knots.

If something like that happened in reality, how would I react? Would I react like I did in the dream? Would my body take over and perform as it did? No, I couldn't. I could not let that happen. If it did, everything would be ruined. We have such a stable, solid friendship and all of that would simply be torn apart. And that is the last thing I'd ever want.

Even though the dream felt so wrong, a part of me is thankful for it. Experiencing that dream taught me how to feel. Having that dream showed me how to question my feelings and weigh out what feels right and what feels wrong. But most importantly, it cleared my mind of any questioning that I have had recently, concerning my love life.

I realized that I want Nikki as nothing more than my closest friend. She keeps me grounded and knows how to help when I am being attacked by my emotions. I could never risk losing my rock.

I stare at the hardwood floor blankly, goosebumps covering my bare body, the thought making me sick. I don't know what I would do if I ever lost her. I don't think I could manage the pain. I shake my head of these painful thoughts and stand up to get dressed.

After I am completely ready, I examine my reflection in the mirror. I look like the walking dead. I have huge, dark circles under my bloodshot eyes. There is still a bit of dried paint in my hair that I couldn't manage to get out in the shower.

I didn't sleep a wink last night, as I had stayed up until the break of dawn, painting my feelings on that one, lucky canvas. I smile a little at the thought, feeling content and proud of my work.

I walk down the hallway to Nikki's bedroom door, huge sunflowers painted on it. Last year for her birthday, she asked me to paint something on her bedroom door as a surprise. So, I decided to paint a mural of her favorite flowers of all-time.

The painting is very cheery and happy-looking, making me smile as I gently run my finger down the smooth wood of the door, admiring my work. I clear my throat and gently knock on the door.

"Come in!" I hear Nikki shout from inside the room. I smile, twisting the knob on the door and opening it.

Her room is so much more colorful than mine. I prefer to sleep in a dull atmosphere to match my dull personality. I like to keep my artwork separate from the area that I sleep in, but Nikki is the complete opposite. She has drawings everywhere.

The mint green walls of her room are covered in cartoon sketches, many graphic designs she has created, and drawings of the both of us. It amazes me how well she can draw faces. It is a skill that I have never been able to tackle as an artist. I admire the one drawing of us; a recreation of an actual picture. This was at a Halloween party from two years ago. I am dressed up as Batman and she is dressed as a cute, girly version of the Joker. She's seated on my lap and I have my arms wrapped around her waist. We are both laughing really hard.

I smile and let out a content sigh. Moments like the ones hanging on her wall are the ones I cherish most; happy times with my best friend.

Nikki is putting on her socks as she glances up and looks at me. Her eyes widen and she gasps a little. I laugh, knowing exactly the reason behind her reaction.