TUESDAY MAY 27TH:

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Nikki's Diary:

Yesterday was the big day...

Or so I thought.

Because there was NO CONFESSION! :(

I don't know what it's going to take for the both of us to get together, but the odds of that now are VERY unlikely. Because more and more questions are now flying around my head like it's some nest of paranoid bees.

Questions like...

1. DOES Brandon actually like me?

Well, actually I'm pretty sure that he does but he can't admit it to me.

2. WHY would he invite me out after school JUST to hang out with me?

I may be expecting too much, like after school there's a sudden romantic confession with flowers and a full orchestra playing a romantic song to set the mood. I SERIOUSLY have to stop watching all of these romantic movies and reading these romantic novels, I think it may be messing with my understanding of reality. 

Because after all... this isn't some romantic movie and it most certainly ISN'T a romantic novel, BECAUSE THIS IS REAL LIFE NOT SOME STORY THAT SOMEONE IS WRITING.

But if he only wants to hang out with me then does this prove the next question to be correct?

3. DOES Brandon think of me as nothing more than a FRIEND?

I hope not, after all he is my first crush and there is no way that I want to be FRIENDZONED.

Because if we can't be together then that would mean that he would search for other girls, and that means...

...MACKENZIE!!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't think that my heart could take seeing them together, it would be ripped clean in two without any hopes of repair. Without Brandon there is NOBODY in this world that I can be with...

Just look at me, I'm not some CCP diva with legions of guy friends. I mean I'm only friends with 4 guys.

1. Brandon Roberts - (Duh)

2. Theodore L Swagmire III - But we're only friends and besides, I can tell that he's crushing MAJOR hard on my BFF Zoey.

3. Marcus Harrison - The same story as Theo's but he's crushing MAJOR hard on my other BFF Chloe.

4. Max Crumbly - I would consider him to be a friend, he reminds me of me in a lot of ways (almost like he was my male counterpart or something). He's also best friends with Brandon. I consider him to be cute but he already has a girlfriend (I think he said that her name was Erin?) and there is no way that I would want to disrupt their relationship. I'm not some relationship ruiner like Mackenzie.

But now that I think about it... I now have 5.

5. Maxwell Negrini - I know that I have only just met him...but it feels like we have known each other forever. He's very observant and also a great artist. Plus, I can admit that he looks hot. He knows exactly how to make me laugh as I do with him, I feel like we may have some sort of connection like we were MADE to be friends. And I can't believe that I am saying this...

Maybe we were made to be even more than JUST friends.

But I can't have two crushes... Can I?

That seems unfaithful and juvenile towards Brandon...

AM I DEVELOPING FEELINGS FOR MAXWELL?!

O

M

G

I...I don't know... AM I?!

But, someone like him would already have a girlfriend, right?

Yet you would think that about Brandon too, and he's single.

To be honest, Maxwell reminds me a lot of Brandon. He's just more observant and more openly confident than he is.

I know that it seems like I am undermining Brandon here and placing Maxwell above him. But that couldn't be more wrong! If anything, I'm starting to feel this way BECAUSE he reminds me of Brandon.

Just less hesitant, more artistic, and hot instead of cute.

Is it wrong to develop feelings for someone who I've known for such a small amount of time?

Saying that... I did kind of start crushing on Brandon after only watching him from a distance and posing for one of his pictures. Without even talking to the guy first...

The first time I properly spoke to him, he offered me a hand to pick me up from the ground.

Just like Maxwell did.

And I can't just confess my love to Brandon, that could ruin our friendship if he doesn't actually have feelings for me.

But if Brandon isn't going to confess to me sooner or later, then I might have to start thinking about moving on.

A girl can't wait forever, y'know?

I'm not going to be happy if I wait until I'm sixty before he confesses.

As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea. If Brandon isn't going to bite the hook, then maybe someone else will?

I thought Brandon was the only guy for me. But, perhaps Maxwell is who I've TRULY been looking for?

All that separated us was different schools.

This can't be a one-sided thing. Is Maxwell ACTUALLY interested in me? I don't know.

I'M SO CONFUSED!

:(

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