|| ✔️ || Peraya Fantasy || one shots ||

Love Him, Hate Him {II}

So I paused writing all others and wrote this instead.

The off is doing no justice to me I guess.

Happy reading loves
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🌹The whole part is Arthit's POV🌹

Staring at the white ceiling above us I move my sweaty body away from him. After the intense activity that took place despite the fact that we are not going to be the same again I left out a loud sigh. I laughed at myself for being such a fool.

"We need to talk."

He was about to speak something when I gestured him to stop. His mouth snaps shut and he stares at my face for a few seconds before slowly nodding and gesturing me to continue. We both remain silent as we lay opposite each other.

I observe him for a few moments, and I can see that his stoic face is still on. Deep down, I think he knows what's coming. My eyes scan over his face and he looks exhausted. He has dark circles under his eyes and it looks like he hasn't shaved in a bit. But, all in all he was still the handsome man that I fall for again and again. The one that made me break all the morale that I've build since young.

"I miss you."

His deep voice breaks the silence and my eyes snap back up to meet his. Instead of replying with words, I inhale a shaky breath before holding tight onto a pillow. He took it from my grasp and slowly place it away. Taking in the almost naked me into his full gaze. I knew his weakness is me wrapped in a blanket barely covering my groins.

"I'll leave." I whispered.

However, as soon as my voice reaches his ears he abruptly sat up. He runs a hand through his hair while shaking his head.

"No, no, I won't let you."

He refuses as he stares at me with hurt, anger, and fear. This is the very first time I'm seeing him expressing something that's not lust for my body. It's weird, he have never showed any expression towards me all these years. It was merely him fucking me whenever I'm in town.

"I refuse to let you go because that means it's really the end of us and I can't accept that."

I'm not surprised by his response, however, his words make me angry and I quickly stand up as well. I was a good fuck after all. Better than his girlfriend, wait should I say future wife.

"There is no us! We ended the moment you told me you're getting married Kong! Us, ended the moment you decided to tie the knot with that woman."

To my surprise Kongpob releases a sob that breaks my heart even more as he quickly grabs my hands into his. I try to pull away but he holds on as tears stream down his face. I fight to hold back my tears and keep a straight face but he makes it so hard as he starts to beg.

"Please, please don't do this Oon!"

Shaking my head, I pull my hands from him and run them over my face. And the tears that I desperately tried to hold back, slip down my cheeks. Grunting in frustration, I wipe them away but more just runs down. I was trying to stay strong and get this over with but it's easier said than done. Things just escalated so quickly and I can barely function correctly.

"I give up!"

I manage to say as my voice chokes up from the tears.

"There's no point because I can't do this, I can't.. I can't look at you without being reminded  that I fucking love you so much, that I want to be the only one for you or to be reminded that you'll be married in a month. And I don't want to."

"If that makes me weak, then fine I'm weak! I tried Kong, I tried so hard to not to love you, to just keep this merely sex based relationship but I can't handle feeling like this anymore!"

He stares at me with sadness and heartbreak written all over his face but I need him to understand how done I really am.

"I had no one, I lost my family! I lost everything! You took advantage of that Kong. And you know what? I'm happy they aren't alive to see this. To see their only boy is just a dirty secret of a well known man."

Letting out a sarcastic laugh, I run a hand through my hair while stepping away from him.

"It's my fault actually. No point blaming it all on you. I shouldn't have agreed to the first time or the countless time that you asked me to accompany you on the bed. Because I really thought you'll make me yours, you'll change and give us a chance. All those endless night will get you to love me. I thought that you were worth for me trying but I was so wrong!"

"I love you, yes! But I can learn to not love you and to not need you. Because I am worth so much more than that! I know that I am stronger than that!"

Silence consumes the room as we both let tears fall down our face. Our eyes stay connected as we convey every hurt and every pain that we were feeling. No matter how much I wish things could be different. How I crave for the return of this unrequited love of mine.

We were too far gone, too hurt and damaged to be fixed now.

"I know that my apologizing will never be good enough. I know that I hurt you in the worst ways possible but is there anything I could do that would make you stay?"

Kongpob whimpers as he closes his eyes and wipes the tears from his face. After a moment of hesitation, I move forward and grasp his face between my hands and wait for him to look me in the eyes.

"I love you, you know. Despite the pain and the hurt, I will always love you Kong. You were my first love, my first kiss and the very first pillar that I had. And you have no idea how much I wanted you to be my last. But we will never be happy if we stay together like this, as a secret."

He opens his mouth and I know it's to deny my last sentence but I quickly shush him.

"Deep down, you know that, you do. And I know how much this is hurting you because it's hurting me too. But, this is the right thing to do. And one day, we will heal. Hopefully I will heal."

Without warning he leans forward and captures my lips in a gentle kiss. After getting over the shock, I kiss him back just as softly. I can feel the tears slip down his cheeks and hit my thumbs and as always, I can't hold back my own tears.

Because this feels like goodbye. This feels like the last time and fuck does it hurt. We pull back and look each other in the eyes before he swipes a thumb under my cheek to wipe away my stray tear.

"Fine I'll let you go. After everything I have done to you, if this will make you happy then I'll do it. Just please, give me the chance to be a friend at least. Please Oon."

My eyebrows furrow as I look at him with slight offense and disbelief.

"I would like to stay away from you Kong. After all that has happened between us, i could never stay as friends and you know that too. Don't you think you asking way too much from me?"

I stood up and dressed myself before leaving the hotel room that I'll never walk into again. Glancing at the empty pathway in front of me, I lead myself out. This time it's a real goodbye I guess. The funny thing is as always I'm still getting into the plane alone, just that I'm no ones dirty secret anymore.

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A/N
Should I leave this as it is? I really wanted to write a happy ending. I tried. This was the third one that I came up with actually. This story just had me going crazy. I was very indecisive in ending it. This was more appropriate I guess, even though I myself would have enjoyed a happy ending.