Natatandaan ko pa yung araw na nahulog ako sa two-feet tall na upuan nung eight years old ako. Unang tumama sa sahig ang dibdib ko. Tila nawala nun ang senses ko sa paghinga. Masikip, tila kulang na oxygen, pero hindi ako makahinga.
Parang ganun ang nararamdaman ko nang marinig ko ang pag-amin ni Zyrone. Tila nagbabadya nang pumatak ang mga luha ko dahil hinding-hindi ko inaasahan mula sa kanya ‘yun. Hindi biro ang pagiging suicidal.
"I had my first attempt but I did not continue. All because of you, Vunny," sabi niya.
Dahil mukhang hindi makagalaw ang dila ko, itinuro ko na lang ang sarili na nagtatanong ng, “Ako?”
"Mhmmm. Remember the first time na nagchat ka sakin? That night when you sent a thumbs up? That was a life- saver," saad niya nang marahan.
Oo. Natatandaan ko pa ang gabing ‘yun. Yung gabing tila may nagtutulak sa’kin na bisitahin ko ang wall niya, at magmessage sa kanya.
At ngayon, alam ko na kung bakit.
It must be because of the connection of our souls. Our spirits and destiny aligned. Baka tinatawag ako ng spirit niya para tulungan siya.
"I was lost then. I don't know how to ease my anxiety. My anger. Until I decided to gash my wrist to death. It's a fast escape from reality. I won't be hurting then," sabi niya na tila normal lang sa kanya yun. "As soon as the cutter touches my skin, tumunog 'yung cell phone ko, and I can easily see what the notification is dahil nag pop up yung chathead. With your face, Vunny."
Akala ko, nung gabing yun eh papansin lang talaga ako. Hindi ko naman inaakala na nakaligtas pala ako ng buhay. At kay Zyrone pa. Sa pinakamamahal ko pa.
Tears are starting to pile up under his eyes, and so am I. I feel that there is a flood of tears behind my eyes, just waiting to flow.
"I have never thought namagcha- chat ka sakin that time, Vunny. It had never run in my mind. Not even a bit. Not in my wildest dreams. But you did. I didn't know what your reason is, but you did. And that made me realize there is still a good thing left in my life, so I must remain alive. I consider that as a sign. I can't leave the world without fulfilling my mission to you, Vunny," he continues with soft shaking in his voice but he tries to remain firm.
Tila wala na rin akong masabi ngayon pero gusto kong magsalita. Parang gusto ko pang umiyak at ibuhos yung kalungkutan na nararamdaman ko dahil sa kalagayan niya.
But I try to show him my smile-a smile of assurance-that I understand him and I’m with him. I reach for his hands and hold it in mine.
"Zi, I never thought that behind your beautiful smiles and loud laughter is a pain you're enduring, a pain you’re keeping inside," that's it. I feel my eyes and my voice betraying me. "Pero huwag mong iisipin na mag- isa ka lang ha. Nandiyan mga barkada mo. Si Kitty, si Cleane. Ako. We will always be right here for you, at hindi ito basta sinasabi ko lang ha. Believe me when I said it. And never ever attempt to commit suicide again, okay, Zi? Your life is too precious. At sino na lang aasawahin ko kung wala ka na?" I can't believe that bursts out of my tongue. I curse at myself, biting my bottom lip. Pero naiiyak man ako ay parang gusto kong matawa.
I can't dare looking at him now so I bend my head looking at my knees. But I can sense that he's stunned.
"Gusto mo din akong mapangasawa, Vunny?" he asks softly. There's a hint of happiness in his voice now as he says it with a higher tone. "You've forgiven me, now?"
Dahil nahihiya pa ‘kong tumingin sa kanya ay tumango na lamang ako bilang sagot.
I suddenly feel a warm, muscled body embracing me, arms wrapping around me. As I breathe, his addictive scent registers in me-- manly and alluring.
"You don't know how happy you make me feel, Vunny. I just knew that this second life is worth it," nakangiti niyang sabi habang may mga luha pa sa kanyang mga pisngi.
Then he lets go of the embrace, wipes the tears remaining on his cheeks, and he holds my shoulder gently so I can face him.
Saan na ‘to papunta? Dahil biglang bumilis ang pagpintig ng puso ko, at tila hindi ako makahinga ng maayos.
"Vunny, can I kiss you?" he asks boldly, with his shaky, husky, soft, seductive voice. His grip on my shoulder makes me weak, like it's asking for more touches from him. It's demanding for more. I take a moment before making up my mind, but his face is suddenly an inch away from mine. Nice attempt of asking for permission but you'd still do it anyway, not waiting for my response.
I can smell his breaths. His pointed nose touching mine.
YOU ARE READING
A JAR OF STARS (ON-GOING)
Teen Fiction"CAN WISHES WRITTEN ON THE STARS COME TRUE?" Cleane Xyz Cortez is a reserved person, likes to eat foods, and loves the Sad Song by We The Kings, and writes her wishes in origami stars and store them in a jar since elementary. When she goes to Atende...
