Y/N and the Avengers

No turning back

Weeks passed where you tried to avoid Bruce because every time you saw him, he tried to get information about your past, about what happened, what you've done, etc.
It was your first Avengers meeting that you had attended and you couldn't avoid seeing him. The whole time he was staring at you, which was why you couldn't listen at all to what Steve and Tony had said.
At the end of the meeting Natasha went to Bruce, Steve to you and they were trying to get you into different rooms, where they could talk to you privately. Steve sadly chose a tiny room with printers, shelves with paper, and other stuff.
"Y/n."
"Steve."
Silence. It was so weird that you just wanted to leave immediately, but you knew you had to stay.
"Okay, Cap, come on. Tell me already."
"Cap?"
"Yeah, I mean you're probably not here as a friend." He nodded and sighed in response. "Please just spit it out already, I wanna leave ASAP."
"Okay. So what's between you and Banner? Were you...?"
"I don't know what you want to imply, but no. I just don't want to be near him."
"Did he...?", Steve asked carefully but also worried and shocked.
"No! Steve! Ugh... We were in my memories and he saw something he shouldn't have seen, okay? And now he is annoying me with it."
"What did he see?"
"Steve!", you said enraged and left.
Walking to your room and turning on music pretty loudly, so you couldn't hear any knocks that might follow in the next minutes or hours, you had enough of any confrontation.

Just 10 minutes later your door suddenly opened and Natasha stood in your room.
"Natasha!", you yelled and turned off the music, "What the fuck are you doing in my room? Leave!"
"No. You need to explain what's going on. Now", she said insistently.
"Alright, looks like nobody cares about my boundaries, so why don't you just come further in and make it worse!", you yelled angrily.
"Y/n, we just-"
"No!"
She took a few steps towards you, but you began a fight instead of talking to her.
While you knew Natasha was way better than you were, you didn't want to give up. You let out all your anger in that fight and Natasha was surprised at how well you dodged some of her kicks and other tricks she didn't show you yet.
"You are damn good Y/L/N, did you train secretly?", she asked coughing because you held her down a little too rough with your knee on her chest. She twisted her legs around you and got away, but suddenly you were lying on the floor with her knee on your chest.
"Damn!", you said annoyed.
"You know I am better than you, did you really think you could win this fight?"
"Of course not", you replied.
She helped you get up again. "Better?"
"A bit. But my point is still valid! You guys really gotta learn what boundaries are."
She laughed. "I know. I don't want to hurt you or anything, I just want to solve this. I want you with me on missions but this isn't possible when you can't even share a room with Banner. He still needs to get more information about you."
With an angry face, you turned around immediately.
"Okay, so what did I say wrong now?"
"Please, just leave me alone", you said quietly, feeling the tears in your eyes building up.
"Tell me what Banner did. Please..."
"You really want me on missions?"
"Of course I do! You are my favorite female here!"
"I am the only one besides you."
"Still. Doesn't make it wrong." You two laughed a bit. You heard Natasha coming closer. "Is it okay if I lay my hand on your shoulder?"
"Y'all really have a shoulder kink, eh?"
"Well, it's better than holding hands sometimes. Just have to think back again, when you held Steve's hand", she said laughing. You sighed embarrassed. "Don't worry about it, Y/n. Don't worry about anything. We all like you, okay?"
"Well, not every one of you though. Just think about Bucky."
"Ah, he is dumb sometimes. Like everyone else sometimes is. We all do dumb or embarrassing things, you know? We're not perfect at all."
"Oh, aren't ya?", you asked sarcastically.
"I can also hold your hand if you want", she offered.
"I might need a hug though", you whispered. She waited a few seconds and hugged you from behind.
"Everything is going to be okay. If I need to, I will fight Banner", she whispered in your ear. You chuckled.
"I don't think you'd win with the other guy on his side."
"Oh, I wish he would just be on his side... Then someone could simply distract him. But they are connected pretty deeply."
"You would never harm him, would you?"
"No", she said chuckling, "Sorry."
"You are just too close to him."
"Okay, sorry, I should have already ended the hug", she said and stepped back. You breathed in deeply, wishing she wouldn't have ended this. Your tears came back again, now rushing over your cheeks. Hoping she wouldn't catch you crying, you got into your bed and lay with your face down on the pillow. Natasha walked over, now sitting next to you.
"He didn't say a thing?", you asked.
"No."
"Okay... it's not about normal information anymore. He wants to know way more which I don't want to open up about."
"I get that. Not everything is rosy and wonderful, isn't it?" You grinned into your pillow.
"Can I trust you?"
"Of course you can!" You got into a sitting position, pulling up your sleeve. "Here", you whispered, turning around your wrist so she could see the inside of it. Natasha just nodded. "No words?"
"No words. Or do you want any?" You shook your head. "We still love you, also it's from the past. Even if it isn't we are here for you, okay? We all have our coping mechanisms and almost none of them are healthy. I wonder why Bruce is making such a big deal out of it. Hm... Can I ask you a very personal question? Just one? You can still decline if you don't like to answer."
You nodded hesitantly.
"Did you try to kill yourself at some point?" You stayed quiet for what felt like an hour and your tears betrayed you, showing the answer, "It's okay. I think every one of us was at the point of questioning if it's worth it", Natasha whispered. You let yourself fall to the side so that you were lying again. "Okay, I'm gonna go now, sweety. Someone has to talk to Banner and unfortunately, this one is me", she said smiling and nodding before she left. This felt way worse than being angry at everyone. You stood up and ran to Natasha to tell her, that she didn't need to do it and that instead, you would. You really couldn't stand being alone now and when the wounds were already open, why not show them?