Y/N and the Avengers

Darkness

When Wanda had left you turned around to EQ8, looked at her, and the sadness you were suppressing came up, your cheeks being covered in tears.
"We have to do something. Anything", you said sobbing and EQ stood up. "I'm not sure we can, it's already happening", she said and cried as well. "I don't want to die... I am freaking young, I am basically a baby", you said, and made you both laugh. "I know, I mean you like pink." "Pastel pink, okay?!" "That makes it even worse", she said and you laughed again. "We didn't get to actually experience life... not really at least... just trauma and glimpses of what could be... I'm not... that's... it's not fair", you complained and EQ sighed.
"I know but..", she stopped and looked behind you.
Turning around you saw the blackness coming closer.
"No. EQ, we have to run or anything. I don't know. Just... anything."
Trying to avoid the blackness both of you walked further away until you were standing in the corner. You held out your hand which she took and you both took a deep breath and looked into each other's eyes.
"Are you ready to die?", she asked. "No", you replied, "are you?" "No."
The blackness took over and you saw your life flashing by, beginning with the most recent events. Or at least the stuff you still knew. And while you already didn't want to die, it hurt so much more to see Bucky and you confessing. Caring for each other. Being there for each other. A potential relationship that wouldn't take place because of your death. No. It wasn't fair.
It was good that you both didn't take it further because it would have been way more difficult for Bucky to get over you, you thought. But still, you wished you would have had it. It was selfish, you knew it, but you just wished you would have had this experience. Your life was too short. But also too traumatic, so maybe it was alright to die? You wouldn't get any other trauma, you wouldn't need to suffer anymore.
The torture. You relived it. You wanted it to end, you couldn't do it all over again. It was too much.

It was cold. Dark. You felt alone. But it was also peaceful. Maybe dying was okay. Maybe dying wasn't all too bad and it just finally end your pain.
Maybe being dead was a gift and not a curse. Finally, you wouldn't have nightmares anymore. Wouldn't feel like dying inside over and over again.
Maybe being dead was okay.
Yes.
It was okay.

Clint.
He'd probably miss training sessions with you. But he got his family.

Peter.
He's going to be alright, finish school and all that.

Tony.
Oh, he would be mad at you, as usual. He loves being mad.

Bruce.
He would get more into studying, maybe your death would motivate him for another diploma. He probably felt bad for not saving you, so he definitely would go further into medicine.

Wanda.
She'll feel lost. Alone. Maybe she would leave the team. Probably.
You wondered if she'd go deliver your message. If not you already knew she would be the first person you would bother as a ghost.

Felix.
Oh god. He went through hell, just like you had. He must be traumatized and even saw you die. He must feel like your death was his fault even though it wasn't. It was your decision, so it was your fault.
But who would tell him? Who'd be there for him?

Oma.
Oh, no. Oma. She'll be devastated. But at least she got Felix... right?

Steve.
He got Bucky. They are good friends, they'll manage. Together. End of the line or whatever they keep telling each other.
Right?

But Bucky.

Oh Bucky.

He will... he will manage. Yes. He will manage. He got Steve, Steve is all he needs. He was always there for him.

It's Steve. Captain America.
More important than you.
Steve.
His best friend.

Yeah.
It was okay.
They'll be... okay.
They...