✓ laundry boy | yang jungwon

26: bestfriend

hisano, there was a time when i couldn't go to sleep at night without tears falling from my eyes.

a time where everyday, i felt sadness eating me up inside.

the time where i would stay in the shower for so many hours. it felt like rain pouring on me nonstop. my fingers would get all pruny.

there wasn't any purpose in me any more. i was now just matter, taking up space.

except i didn't matter at all.

haha, that was so smooth lol.

anyway.

during the summer, i stood tall on a ledge of a highway bridge. it felt like i was above everyone else in this shitty place we call earth.

and all the cars behind me continued passing by, not a single one stopping me from jumping.

it was like i was the only player in this game. the rest were npc's just doing what they were programmed to do.

go to work, go home, eat, sleep. that's the only thing humans do anyway.

when i looked down, i saw the water. it was so blue, but so dark. and i felt like it would get darker the deeper you go. if i jumped, i wondered if i'd sink into the darkness.

i remember on the rooftop of the laundromat, there was a trick you showed me that you saw from someone else. the cool thing where they lifted their leg up.

i did something similar to that on this day.

it was pretty brave of me. i only stopped when i heard a voice. so i looked to the side, and there was a girl.

her hair was flying from the wind, she also wore a sunhat that covered her eyes. i couldn't really see her full face.

that girl was the only person i wasn't above. we were both here, above everyone else, on the same level.

something about her felt like she wasn't like the rest. she was like me, another player...? i'm not sure.

she then said that if i wanted to swim, i shouldn't jump from here

because it was too high.

funny, right?

why would anyone dive into the water from a 200ft tall bridge? for a swim??

but for some reason, when that girl left, i didn't feel like jumping anymore.

she said one more thing before she left. "you'll die once you hit the water."

that's what i wanted, but when i finally convinced myself that dying was the only way to escape all of this,

she changed my mind.

and i know it probably wasn't her intention but,

it's crazy how anything can change your mind. if she didn't say that, then i probably wouldn't be here right now.

she made it sound like it was a bad thing. i knew it was, but i had nobody to tell me that.

to this day, i still think she was just an angel.

and she was.

she saved my life hisano, like what you said,

"i'll save you."

i don't know why i suddenly decided not to jump, but i guess i started to realize something...

dying is scary.