The Big Reveal

Chapter 71 | Tears

Jungkook's POV

I have emptied my second bottle of wine and the worst thing is that my mind is not numb. I keep on drinking one glass over another, and the bottle empties in no time. Every glass is a hope to bring my mind to rest, but it isn't working. I place the glass back on the kitchen counter and pick up the bottle to directly drink from it, but when it touches my lips, there's nothing left in it. The second bottle has gone. I crash it down on the ground, shattering the bottle into a million pieces. The sound of the bottle hitting against the ground fills the whole apartment. I wish it could have stayed for long and filled her absence in this haunting house.

"She told the truth!"

Mom's words are repeating in my head, over and over. Was mom crying? I don't know. Was she okay? I don't know. The only thing I know is that I have ruined everything. I couldn't have acted more rudely to her than that day. I could have stopped her; I could have listened to her, instead of defending my mother. Even when Namjoon told me that she was at his place, I could have gone and talked. I could have let go of my anger for her that day that was nothing but just misunderstandings. I defended the culprit and blamed the victim. What can be worse than this?

She was sick. She was lying in my arms. There was blood. And still, I let her go. I let go of her hand, her body, her soul. I left her alone when she needed me the most. Yet again, I failed at my promise. I failed myself. I hate myself. And when I want this wine to make me forget about my own identity, it isn't helping. As if all odds are against me; as if everything in my home is not mine, but of hers. Everything is making me remember her, yet everything is making me guilty. How can I face her now? How will I accept my mistake and how will I ever be able to compensate for her loss? The loss I caused her is unimaginable. It can't ever be compensated. Even if I pour all of my love for her out, in front of her, it won't fill the pain in her heart; it won't fill the cracks me and my family has caused her. And with every passing second, my guilt is killing me. I want to die.

*******************

I struggled to get up from the taxi's backseat on which I was lying. I shove my hand in my pocket and throw the money on the front seat, not realizing how much they are. I don't give a fuck about anything right now.

"Sir!" the driver shouts.

"What? It's less?" I ask him, my head is hurting, but I am not drowsy. I shove my hand in my pocket again and find one of my wristwatches that I kept in it earlier. I take it out and throw it on the front seat too.

"Is it enough?"

"Sir, you already gave me double the amount of money, take this watch back." But before he looks back, I shut the door on his face and walk towards the building. My feet are trembling and the wine's taste is still fresh in my mouth. I wonder where the two bottles of wine went. Did Hobi already find them in my drawer and replaced them with water? I don't know.

Instead of the elevator, I take the stairs. One by one, my legs shriek with pain and regret. Every step is harder and harder. I finally climb all of them and open the door to enter the hallway. There it is. Her apartment.

For a moment, my steps were stuck. The only way was to go back. The anxiety of facing her was shattering my whole body, but I want to see her. I want to kiss her. I want to embrace her in my arms and absorb all of her worries. I want to do so much. My heart and brain are continuously fighting, but I still make my way towards her apartment, taking each step after a long minute, and there I stand right in front of the door. My hands shake, while I ring the bell, lightly.

The door opens.

There she is.

***************

I pick myself again off the bed after hearing the doorbell. Did dad forget something? I hope he is not back, after my extremely hard work of sending him for dinner with his friends just so that his mind will be diverted for a while. I drag my oxygen cylinder with me and adjust the nasal cannula that is inserted in my nose, before opening the door.