You Are Mine: I Can Give You Everything

Chapter 28: Demons

I gaze at Colin in surprise blinking a few times. 'I want a family'... 'a baby.' This man wants a baby!? A baby with... me? Of all the information and pieces of Colin that I have discovered this is the most surprising, the most jolting. He wants a baby? Why? Really? A baby? It just seems so out of character.

He wants a baby when he still has so much trauma, so much darkness. When he has demons that he has not yet managed to conquer. He wants a baby when he is still hurting so much. He wants a baby even though he doesn't believe he can love people. He wants a baby even though he hates being touched, has more mental scars than anyone I know... Can you have a child when you are still healing from your past? From your trauma?

Then there is the fact that I am eighteen. I have always wanted to be a mother, if I managed to build a life that was stable enough to have a child that is. I don't want to be poor when I have my own kids, I want to be able to give my kids a secure life, a life that I never got. I could do that with Colin but right now? I am eighteen do I really want to have a baby right now? There is so much in life I want to do, not that you can't have adventures and fun with a baby it is just a lot more complicated.

"You want a baby?" I ask baffled.

Colin nods slowly "very much. I've wanted a child for a long time."

"Why?"

"Because I want to finally be able to bring something good into this world," Colin says with a shrug.

In a way that makes my heart flutter. I gaze at him flustered and confused. I nibble my bottom lip looking down at my lasagna.

"Emery, stop biting your lip," Colin murmurs with a small sigh. He touches his hand to my cheek.

I glance back up at him "Colin... I-I want a baby, a family and honestly, I think having one with you would bring me a lot of happiness. But... I-I'm eighteen."

"I know," Colin murmurs. "I know you are young and have a lot of life to live, and you would live it, Emery. Having a baby, you and me, it wouldn't mean that you would have to sacrifice other experiences, I would make sure you wouldn't have to. We could travel together as a family, and I could take you and our child on adventures. I'd let you go to parties." He says with a small twinkle of teasing in his eyes "even if I don't particularly like the idea of them."

I laugh a little looking down at my plate. Colin's right you don't have to miss out on experiences because you have a baby, they are just different. In many ways, they would be richer. I can't imagine what it would be like to dip my toes in the ocean for the first time with Colin and our baby.

"That's why you have that pink room? Right?" I ask.

Colin nods slowly "yes, that would be the nursery. The other guest rooms could be kids' rooms if we decide to have that many. The bonus room on the third floor would be the playroom and the third suite on the fourth floor would be a nanny suite."

I gaze at Colin in surprise, he has thought over all of this, and planned his house around it. Clearly, this is something he wants desperately. He wants a family, a family with me and that makes my heart warm.

"So, you want a girl, then?" I guess.

Colin nods "all girls, and we would raise them to be as wonderful as you, in every way. Then I would know I did something good, a few more little Emery Palmer's running around, that can only be a good thing."

I laugh a little and my eyes warm as I lean closer to him, I could see it. I can picture a family with Colin, me and him, three daughters, and perhaps a son because I do want a son. I can see us travelling, showing our children the world, our kids going to an expensive private school or us getting them a private teacher. I could see me and Colin teaching them the wonders of reading and books.