Lost Alpha

Journal Entry December 5, 2023

I don't know why but I have been holding off telling my parents until I tell Zee. I suppose it is because I would want to be the first to know if I were him. It is our baby. Assuming he is not going to ditch us. I can't be that wrong about the man, can I? There is no way he is going to leave me to raise Strawberry by myself, right?

Then why is he ghosting me? I used to have all his contact information, but I deleted it so I would remain strong. Why did I do that? My mind is racing in so many different directions.

Thank god for my friends, because they are supporting me through all of this. They help me with everything. From caring for myself and Strawberry to making sure my job will be protected when I take leave to give birth.

I had to have a difficult conversation with Jelly that I made a complete mess of. I asked him to swear to tell no one about Little Strawberry, especially Max. Max is a typical bull headed alpha and he is Zee's friend. I just know he is going to do something rash if he finds out from anyone other than Zee.

I could tell Jelly was uncomfortable with my request. They have a policy in their relationship. They don't keep secrets from each other. I begged Nat. This is not his secret to tell. It is my private information about my body. If Zee wants to tell his friend that is his business but that should be Zee's choice.

Nat seemed really torn. I was surprised to be honest. For me and James this concept is a no brainer. But neither of us are in a relationship with a control freak alphahole. I have no idea what Nat sees in him.

James could see I was getting anxious, so he took over reasoning with Nat. While this is all going on, I start to panic imagining Max going to Zee's house and telling him I was pregnant and blaming me for everything. Then the two of them getting a lawyer and taking me to court saying I am an unfit omega. The justice system is not exactly kind to omegas, so it is not unheard of for alphaholes to take children away from their omega parent. Especially in a situation like mine where I am unmarried and unmated.

Finally, I popped and yelled.

'I don't give a shit if you don't keep secrets from each other. This is not your secret to tell.'

Then I burst into hysterical tears and ran for my nest in my room. I could hear James chiding Nat before they came in after me. But I would not let them in. I had turned my entire bedroom into my nest, and I can't help but be territorial. No one goes in an omega's nest unless invited. That goes a thousandfold for a pregnant omega. I felt like I was crazy. Part of me felt terrible. I just yelled at me best friend and I was desperate to reconcile. But there is this huge force taking over my body making growl and threaten my besties for daring to step foot in my room.

By this point I am crying, growling, and trying to speak. I was a mess. Lucky for me I was dealing with two omegas who knew exactly what to do. They shut the bedroom door, and Jelly ran to the store and came back with macarons, my favorite sweet, and a huge, very soft maternity plushy. It was a giant kitty. It was not long before they had coaxed me out.

Then as soon as I saw Jelly I tried to apologize again and no amount of reassurance from him could convince me that I had not lost him forever. So, he let me hug him and held me and my new kitty while I ate macarons. By the end of it, poor Nat was covered in mucus and crumbs. I have such good friends. Who else would put up with a hormonal pregnant omega.