Lost Alpha

NuNew's POV July 26, 2024

I am trying something with my writing. Let me know what you think and if you noticed a difference. Was it too wordy? Did it pull you into the scene and make you feel like you were in the tub? Let me know. 

Pressing my spine into the back of the tub I let my head hang over the edge. The lip of the tub fits perfectly into the bend of my neck. As my muscles elongated and stretched, I released the tension that had permanently made a home in the nape of my neck. It felt amazing.

Everything was arranged to please the senses. Hia's doing of course. He knows me so well. Even the bath bomb he chose for me smelt heavenly. It was like bathing in the center of a pit less half of a peach.

After smelling like sour milk for six weeks with only a quick shower a day to break up the monotony of baby smells, luxuriating alone in the sensory bomb Hia created for me, felt like I had borrowed a little corner in heaven. I was beginning to forget that there was more to me than an omega. There was also a man. A man who loved to take care of himself. For my mental health alone, I needed to do this more often.

Running down my self-care to-do list I decided to deal with the rogue eyebrow hairs that need pruning. Seriously, my hair was going on a field trip across the bridge of my nose. Next was a face mask, a nice brisk soapy wash to remove the milky "odor de Mami", followed by washing my hair and finishing with a few drops of scented oil to give my hair a sheen. Rinsing off, I would emerge glistening and clean, and while the water was still dewy on my body, I would rub the same oil into my skin. A thorough brushing of teeth and trimming of nails and I will be a human again.

I missed this.

Getting out of the tub I felt clean and slippery. I was completely engrossed in my vision of self-care loveliness when I caught sight of my blurry reflection in the mirror. The condensation hid the detail, but it could not hide the size of my bulk. Grabbing a towel, I covered up and reality came flooding in.

I know it is wrong, but I hoped I could avoid Hia and quietly slip into bed and fall asleep. At the very least I could pretend to sleep. I didn't think I could go through with being intimate with him. Not after feeling like myself for thirty glorious minutes, only to be reminded that, that person no longer existed. My psyche was so fragile. One wrong twitch in Hia's face And I could burst into tears. I didn't want to expose myself.

Suddenly, six weeks of facing this seemed impossible.

Luck was not on my side, and I cursed that fickle bitch. I guess there would be no hiding from my insecurities tonight because Hia was waiting for me in loose pants and a flowing shirt left unbuttoned. His toned and beautiful body hypnotized me. He looked like Adonis came to life. 

Wordlessly he took my hand and with hooded eyes, drew me into the living room where there were more candles. Oh God, I wanted this. I needed this. I needed to connect with my alpha, my mate; my husband.

He drew me further into the room and I saw he had created a beautiful nest for us to make love in. My heart constricted in my chest. What a loving gesture of acceptance. What alpha went out of their way like this? Emotions pricked my eyes and before I knew what was happening, he had drawn me into his embrace and I could feel the warmth of his skin everywhere the towel did not cover as I willingly pressed myself into his heat.

We have kissed a hundred times in the last three sexless months, but it had never been like this. He tasted me, dipped his tongue into my mouth, and took gentle sips of my nectar. His touch made me come alive. I felt beautiful. I was a sexual animal and rubbed myself up and down his body. Using my toes to gain altitude.

Shrugging off his shirt I watched as it fluttered to the ground and then turned my eyes to feast upon his erotic body. He had the kind of body that made you feel wanton and protected which was like a mating call to my omega. Especially since we have been so hypervigilant of Star and keeping her safe.

Reaching out, I placed my hand flat on his chest and slid my fingertips down his torso, down to the hem of his pants. Slipping my hand in between his skin and his fly, I felt my fingers dangling into an erotic void.  

Using the fly of his pants, I pulled him closer. Slowly, and seductively, never taking my eyes off of his. Letting him see my desire, my approval of his body, and the wantonness that lay dormant waiting to be awoken.

Hia groaned, and that moan made me twitch in too many places as my body responded and answered his mating call. I tilted my face up to his, rose on my toes, and sucked his bottom lip into my mouth. Gently pulsing and swirling my tongue over the tip of his lip simulating something far more intimate. His answering moan came from deep inside resonating in his chest and his mouth.

Forcefully, he took over and demanded my tongue which I willingly yielded to him mingling my soft moans with his. Then he touched the knot in my towel, I wanted to feel him skin to skin knowing it would take me to a new level of pleasure. I trembled in anticipation of my towel dropping to my feet and pressing myself into his hard body: but then everything froze and I reacted.

My fucking insecurities and self-loathing were stronger than my desire. How entrenched was this evil in my psyche that at a time like this when my every thought was consumed with climbing up my alpha like he was a tree, that fear overrode my reasoning and made me hang onto that towel like Hia was a rapist and the towel was the last barrier protecting me.

It was like we hit a wall going one hundred miles per hour. The silence was deafening. Hia looked so bewildered. He kept shaking his head. He was probably trying to clear the fog of lust that shrouded his mind so he could comprehend the situation.

I heard a low droning that increased in pitch and volume and my body trembled as if it was in sync with the sound. That is when I realized that I was the source. Then everything shattered like a broken window and pieces of me scattered like shards of glass. I sunk into a crouch, hugged my knees, and began to sob. Deep heart-wrenching sobs that were so intense I could only gasp for air in between while they pulled me like a riptide out to sea farther and farther away from Hia.