Chapter Seventy-Eight

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I repeated that phrase, 'I have to deal with it', over and over to myself until I fell into a restless sleep.

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Another week has passed since Kespia and Kubos have arrived at The First Order. Things have only gotten worse between Kespia and myself.

Several times during our morning training sessions I have glanced over at her and caught her glaring at me. I merely looked away and pretended I hadn't noticed, but inside I felt severely threatened.

I knew that, if put in a duel, I would've defeated Kespia. I was purely stronger than her and I had been through more training -- it was a simple, cold, hard fact. I felt like she hated me, which made no sense. I hadn't done anything to Kespia! If anything, I should be the one that hates her (which I do, but I don't openly express it and make it obvious as she does).

I hadn't flirted with Kylo Ren or showed any sign of affection. I had remained neutral towards him. I didn't want to be rejected or repulse him from me and, now that Kubos knew about the entire situation, I didn't feel comfortable exhibiting it and proving Kubos' mind-reading abilities adequate or trustworthy.

Speaking of Kubos -- our 'friendship' was progressing at a fair, steady pace. We weren't buddies, or pals, but we were more than merely fellow apprentices. He hadn't mentioned my mental breakdown once since it had occurred. On occasion, we spoke before and after training. We saw each other at lunch and would sometimes smile or wave, but we didn't talk because neither him or Kespia had been granted permission to sit at the elevated table as I had been.

Also about lunch, I had stopped purposefully missing the meal in an attempt to avoid Kylo Ren. I found out from Fruvis that he, also, had been staying away from the Lunch Hall for the past few weeks. I couldn't help but wonder if he did this for similar reasons as I (to abstain from speaking with me in fear of grief or missing him), or if he couldn't stand being around me because of his loathe for me.

That's a concept that I had grown to believe, by the way. A few times throughout those two weeks I had seriously considered the truth of the possibility that Kylo Ren grew to hate me after my rejecting him. It partially made sense -- with all of my abhorrence directed at him, it wasn't an absurd assumption.

I was on my way down to the training hall. I shuddered as the thought of my new theory passed through my head -- what if Kylo Ren hates me?

He couldn't hate me, I thought in disbelief. Yes, I had thought of the concept, and yes, it made sense from some perspectives, but I did not want to accept it yet. I couldn't, and I wouldn't.

I entered the training hall five minutes early. Kubos was sitting at the table, fiddling with his fingers. As usual, Kespia was chatting with Kylo Ren on the combative mats.

This was a new ritual. Instead of Kylo Ren making conference calls in the mornings before training, he had resorted to speaking with Kespia about . . . Who knows what.

Kylo Ren was facing away from me. I stopped in my steps and stared at them in disgust for several moments. Kespia was facing me, and I could see that she was wearing a tight, low-cut, black top that revealed the majority of her cleavage. Her arms were crossed and hefting her breasts upwards as if to make them more attractive.

A strong jolt of fiery jealousy struck through my body. I watched her glance towards me and her eyes narrowed at me. I felt my purple electricity tingling at my finger tips, begging to burst out in her direction. I held onto my self-control, but barely.

Kylo Ren must have noticed Kespia focusing on me. He turned around, saw me, and announced, "Time to begin training."

*****

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