Leave a Trace: Book Two

Chapter Thirteen: Insecure

Chapter Thirteen: Insecure

I sniffle, staring at my phone screen. Tears stream down my face and I fight back a sob. I pull my pillow over my head and just cry. My phone rests on my giant belly. I hear the bedroom door close as Zane comes back for finishing up getting Liam to bed.

"Rose?" He asks. "Are you crying? What's wrong?" I feel the bed sink down next to me and I don't move. I feel him grab my phone to look at the screen. "Who is that girl?"

I sit up so fast that he jumps.

"That's me!" I snap at him. "Look! Look at my b-body, Zane!" My voice is reaching hysteria. "I h-had abs! My arms were p-perfect with m-muscles and s-so were my legs! I was b-beautiful! Now you're all a-attractive still and I'm j-just your fat w-wife!"

He looks startled.

"Do you e-even love me a-anymore?!" I hiccup. "Because you said 'oh who is that' as if she's more attractive than me! You didn't even recognize me! You hardly kiss me anymore! You don't touch me! Y-you're digested! Admit it Zane, you're disgusted!"

"Baby girl, don't talk like that." He says. "Don't ever say that."

"We can't even cuddle the same anymore." I whimper. "We can't even hug." I bury my head in my hands and sob, my entire body wracking as sobs rip through me. "We haven't had sex in months." I sniffle.

I feel his hands rubbing up and down my bare back.

"Rosie, baby girl, sweetheart." He peppers kisses all over my face. "Don't cry, darling. Don't cry." He kisses my neck and my shoulder.  I turn my head to press against his shoulder. He sits cross-legged in front of me and I bury my head in his shoulder and clench the fabric of his basketball shorts in my hands he sits there with me, running his fingers through my hair and up and down my back.

Once I've calmed, he speaks.

"Why do you think that? Where did this come from?"

I stare down at my hands.

"I feel disgusting, Zane. I'm an athlete and I haven't been able to go out and do anything. I feel enormous, and...and you saw me exposed on the seat of your truck and you watched me push out two fucking babies. That's...it's gross, Zane. It was gross. You saw me so disgusting like that. You must be disgusted of me. How fucking gross. Before that, you only saw me if I was about to have sex with you. You...you saw me when I was pretty."

"Hey." He says firmly. He pulls back and takes my face in his hands. My eyes glisten to tears as he forces me to look him in the eye. "Trust me Rosie, I have lost no affection for you. If anything, I'm more attracted to you now than I was before. You pushed our two babies. I can't even begin to imagine how much that hurt, but you did it, and you sat there and you knew what to do. You kept them alive. You created two lives inside of you. You grew them, suffered with feeling crappy and ill and being forced in the house, you hated it. We haven't had sex because we can't have sex. I asked who it was because you were crying. If somebody that everyone finds really attractive walked in here naked versus you, I would pick you. You are beautiful. You are so insanely beautiful. You'll get that body back. You will get that life back, but you only pushed out two babies a week ago. You still have the baby bump. That's okay. You're so strong baby, and you're beautiful. You're so fucking beautiful. Don't ever think you're anything but beautiful. You are beautiful. I love you Rosie, I love you so much."

"You promise?" I sniffle. "You promise you still think I'm beautiful?"

"I promise." He whispers. "Even if you were four thousand pounds, I would still have sex with you."